


Luthor Lost

by FeistyMouse



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Action, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Family, Family Drama, Fluff and Angst, How did it go so horribly wrong?, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, It was supposed to be a nice weekend break..., Love/Hate, Red Kryptonite, Sorry for Chapter 7
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-04
Updated: 2018-05-31
Packaged: 2019-03-26 21:54:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 27,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13866768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeistyMouse/pseuds/FeistyMouse
Summary: SuperCorp and Sanvers go for a relaxing weekend break near the mountains. A DEO emergency means that Lena is left alone and when she's kidnapped, only Kara can save her.





	1. Never Really Alone

Despite the warmth of the summer sun pouring through the windows, the jagged mountaintops are covered in crisp snow. The winding road towards them is empty save for Maggie's unmarked police vehicle.

The detective is driving Alex, Kara and Lena to a secret location that the CEO has refused to disclose for a well-deserved weekend break.

"A spa hotel?" Alex speculates.

"Nope, but not a bad guess," Lena replies.

"Okay, I'm tired of keep guessing, we've been trying since yesterday," Kara moans, her cutest pout pulling at her features causing Lena to smile fondly at her. "Can you please just tell us?"

Lena simply shakes her head and can't stop her smile from turning into a mischievous grin. "That'd spoil things and where's the fun in that? Plus, we're here. Next left, Maggie."

"Copy that," the detective says, indicating and swinging the car into a gravel driveway.

Trees covered in green leaves surround the path, giving the journey before the surprise a magical feel. Kara takes Lena's hand and squeezes it, the excitement evident in her sky-blue eyes as she tries to look through the windows to see their destination.

The trees unfold to reveal a beautiful log cabin surrounded by lush green grass and vibrant summer flowers. A swing hangs from the front of the cabin over the porch, swaying gently in the summer breeze.

"Lena," Kara begins, almost speechless. "This is….. This is beautiful."

They each get out of their car, unable to tear their eyes from their surroundings.

"Where did you find this?" Alex asks.

"A developer wanted to knock it down and use the land to build on. I couldn't bear the thought of the abandoned cabin and the forest being lost, so I bought the land and fixed the house," Lena says simply, walking to the trunk of the car to start unloading the cases. "I love to come here in the summer."

"I can see why," Maggie says. "It's lovely, Lena."

The CEO smiles, embarrassed. She knows that it must sound crazy to Kara, Alex and Maggie, but saving the land was something that was important to her.

"Five million dollars of lovely," Kara says in her daydream. When she sees Lena glaring at her and Alex and Maggie's shocked expressions, Kara adds, "I read about this in CatCo, I remember it." She shrugs.

They grab their bags and head up the wooden stairs to the front door. Lena hands Kara the keys to allow her girlfriend to go inside first.

Kara marvels at what awaits them. A comfortable sofa sits in front of a crackling fire, despite the warmth of the day, and a beautiful old dining table sits proudly in the centre of the room with a small glass chandelier hanging above it. The walls are lined with bookcases that are filled to the brim with classics, and a wooden staircase leads to the bedrooms.

"You did this yourself?" Kara exclaims, standing next to Lena.

"I designed and decorated it myself, yes."

"Wait, is that a hot tub?" Alex asks as she peeps outside the glass doors at the back.

Maggie sees it too. "Yep."

"Okay, Kara and I are in the first bedroom on the left," Lena says, pointing in the direction of the stairs. "Alex, Maggie, you're in the second on the right."

As they head upstairs to unpack, Alex says, "Hey Lena, how much would it cost me to live here, because I wanna live here."

The women all laugh.

"I think you'd get pretty bored, Agent Danvers. There aren't many FBI emergencies out here! Nothing ever happens."

/

Kara snuggles closer to Lena under their light blue double blanket. The four women are sat under the stars around a campfire roasting marshmallows. Alex had used her DEO training to get it going and Kara really set it alight using her head vision after she'd made sure Lena wasn't looking.

"You really need to tell her!" Alex had warned. "You've been dating for three months now."

"Tomorrow, I promise," Kara replied with a sigh. She really meant it too.

Maggie examines her crisp marshmallow before waving it in front of Alex's face. Alex responds by opening her mouth, but after a few near misses, she rips it off the stick and places it in herself.

"So romantic," Maggie says sarcastically.

"I'm glad your shooting is more accurate than whatever that was," Alex retorts jokingly. She rests her head on Maggie's shoulder and the detective places a soft kiss in her hair.

Flames dance in front of them, crackling away as crickets sing in harmony.

"So Lena, how are things at CatCo?" Alex asks, making light conversation.

"It all seems to be okay, fingers crossed. We've got a big Supergirl cover story tomorrow." Lena beams when she mentions the hero. She doesn't notice the look Alex gives Kara or Maggie's silence. "And Sam has everything covered at L-Corp."

"Great, that's good to hear," Alex says.

"Can we not talk about work for one day?" Maggie asks.

"Fine!" Alex and Lena exclaim.

"I'll go get us some more marshmallows," Kara says, slipping out from under the blanket and letting the cooler air in.

She returns with the marshmallows and four hot chocolates, carefully handing them out.

"That's really hot, how did you just pick it up like that?" Lena asks, only half serious.

"I guess it's from carrying all of Cat's coffees every morning." Kara shrugs, hoping that her rubbish explanation will satisfy Lena. "What are you guys talking about?"

"I'm just getting to know Alex and Maggie a little better," Lena replies, smiling at the two women opposite.

Their conversation resumes as Kara climbs back under the blanket.

When their hot chocolates are long gone and all the marshmallows toasted, Alex, Maggie and Lena find themselves gazing up at the array of stars that are usually obscured by the light in the city.

When Alex looks down, she sees that Kara, who usually loves stargazing, has drifted off to sleep slumped against Lena.

"I think it's time we went to bed," Alex whispers, just audible above the crackle of the fire that was slowly going out. She gestures towards Kara, and Lena looks down and smiles at the peaceful Kryptonian, feeling happy and content in her company.

/

"Kara."

Pause.

"Kara."

Another pause.

"Earth to Kara."

The Kryptonian stirs from her sleep to see Alex standing in the doorway. She gestures for Kara to go outside, so she carefully climbs out of bed, making sure that Lena is still tucked snuggly under the duvet.

"There's an emergency, J'onn needs us." Alex is already dressed in her DEO uniform.

"All I wanted was one relaxing weekend," Kara sighs.

"He says he wouldn't ask if he thought it could be handled without us."

"I'll be right down."

Kara quickly changes into her suit and makes her way downstairs to where Alex and Maggie are gearing up.

"I'll be two minutes," Kara promises, grabbing a pad and some paper.

She scribbles a note to Lena in case she wakes up but hopes that she'll be back before does.

/

Lena stirs a little after three. She opens her eyes to see the other side of the bed vacant.

This isn't anything new. Kara was often out of bed at strange hours, but it isn't something that Lena had ever really questioned. She makes a mental note to make sure that she does.

She slips on her comfy socks and makes her way downstairs. When she doesn't find anyone in the living area, she tries the doors to check out back.

They're still locked.

She goes into the kitchen to find that empty too, so she makes her way back upstairs to grab her phone.

No messages other than a single notification about an attack in the city.

She's starting to panic now, especially when she knocks on Alex and Maggie's door and finds their bed empty and unmade.

She pads downstairs again and spies a folded piece of paper on the dining table. Setting her phone down, she unfolds it.

**Lena,**

**Alex and Maggie have been called to an emergency in the city. I couldn't get back to sleep, so I've gone for a walk.**

**I'll be back soon, go back to bed and I promise I'll be there when you wake up. I've taken the key to the back door because I didn't want to leave it unlocked.**

**Love you,**

**K**

Lena picks up her phone and rings Kara.

Voicemail.

She sighs. She decides to do as Kara suggests and goes back upstairs to bed.

Half an hour later, after much tossing and turning, Lena gives up. She can't sleep and Kara still isn't back. She searches through one of her bags and pulls out some work files that she'd snuck in when Kara wasn't looking.

She sits at the dining table, but eventually realises that she isn't really focused on her work and just keeps pushing the papers around the table.

She checks her phone. It has gone four and still dark outside.

Giving up on her work, she grabs her shoes and a flashlight and pulls on one of Kara's cosy cardigans.

She leaves via the front door but makes her way around the back.

She flicks on her flashlight and heads into the woods in search of her girlfriend.

/

"Kara," Lena calls out. "Kara, where are you?"

Twenty minutes of searching has turned up nothing. Lena knows these woods like the back of her hand and had looked in all the most obvious places, but Kara wasn't anywhere to be found.

"Kara, if you can hear me, this isn't funny anymore," Lena shouts.

Nothing.

Lena sighs, sitting down on a fallen tree. She reaches for her phone to call Kara again.

 _Damn,_ she thinks when she can't find it and realises that she's left it on the table in the cabin.

The sound of a twig snapping captures Lena's attention. She turns, aiming her flashlight in the direction of the sound.

"Kara?" Lena says.

When she doesn't get a response and can't see anything, she figures that it must have been an animal. She gets up to continue her search.

"Kara," she tries again.

A loud thud behind her gets her attention, and this time she's scared to turn around.

"Not Kara," a voice growls.

That's the last thing she hears before a hand covers her mouth, stifling her screams, and she's pulled into unconsciousness.


	2. She Went Looking for Me

Maggie swings the car into the driveway and flicks off the ignition. She, Alex and a particularly tired Kara fumble to find their respective door handles before they climb out, the sound of gravel crunching beneath their feet seeming particularly loud compared to their relatively quiet surroundings.

They had spent the majority of their journey back from the city sitting in silence, radio off, too drained from the fight and the late hour to make any effort to talk.

An unknown alien group had begun to wreck havoc downtown and it had taken a few hours to get everything under control, but the situation was contained and the three women were released from duty as soon as the fight was over on the promise that they would debrief J'onn the moment they got back.

Kara leads them around the back of the cabin, key in hand. They had left the front door key with Lena in case she wanted to go outside, and taking the back door key had fitted better with Kara's cover story.

It's dark out back; the only light comes from the moon as it reflects off the windows, basking the area in a pale glow. Crickets screech and foxes whine in the woodlands, and the charred ashes from their campfire have left a burning bonfire smell lingering in the air.

A rush of warm air greets them as they enter the cabin, making a nice change from the crisp night that they'd spent so much time in. They all slip off their shoes in an effort to keep quiet so as not to disturb Lena, leaving them neatly on the mat as they take off their coats.

Kara spies her letter still folded on the table but notices Lena's phone and some files next to it.

"She's been down here," Kara sighs. "So much for going unnoticed and being back before she wakes up."

"She's going to figure it out, you know," Alex warns, raising her eyebrows in warning.

"That's if she hasn't already," Maggie adds. "She's smart, Kara. I'm surprised you've managed to go this long without telling her."

Kara sighs again, her shoulders slumping in defeat. "I'll tell her first thing. I'm tired of keeping it from her anyway."

"I'm going straight up to bed," Alex says, checking her watch to see that it's just after five fifteen. Maggie makes to go with her, rubbing her eyes tiredly, the strain from driving and staring at the dark road taking its toll.

"Yeah, me too," Kara says with a yawn.

They all traipse upstairs, wincing at every little creak that comes from the wooden boards.

"See you later," Kara whispers as she opens the door to her room. She hears a mumbled response back from both women as theirs clicks closed.

She doesn't notice that the bed is empty until she turns around from having closed the door as quietly as possible.

Thinking little of it, she checks the bathroom, only to find that empty too.

Confused, she opens her bedroom door again and peers down the dark hallway.

"Lena?" She calls.

Nothing.

Weird, Kara thinks.

She checks the next room, hoping to find her in there, probably secretly working away because she couldn't sleep and Kara wasn't there to cuddle her until she drifted off.

But it's empty.

And so is the next one.

And the one across the hall.

"Lena?" She shouts again, this time a little louder.

The door to the second room on the right opens and Alex pops her head out, squinting into the darkness.

"She's not here?" She asks, her voice muffled because she's resting her cheek against the cold doorframe.

"She's not in bed and I can't find her up here," Kara replies, worry beginning to set in her gut. "I'm gonna go check downstairs."

"Okay," Alex says, sure that Kara will find her. "Let me know." She closes the door behind her as Kara races downstairs.

She's not in the living room.

She's not grabbing a midnight snack in the kitchen as she sometimes is when Kara wakes up and she's not there.

She isn't even in the little study that Kara stumbles upon when she finds herself flinging every door open, hoping to find her hiding behind one.

As a last resort, she squints into the dim light and uses her x-ray vision to scan the whole cabin.

She isn't anywhere.

"Alex!" She shouts as she flies upstairs. "Alex! Maggie!"

Both women almost crash into each other as they stumble out of their room, hearts racing at the sudden loud interruption and the panic that is thick in Kara's voice.

"She's not here, I can't find her!" She says, frantically disappearing into every room again, this time at super speed. "She's gone!"

When there are no more rooms for Kara to check, she finally stills in front of Alex and Maggie. The agent rests a reassuring arm on her sister's shoulder, and when she doesn't look up, Alex raises her other hand to Kara's chin and guides it upwards so that their eyes meet in the pale light created only by the soft glow filtering out of Kara's room.

Alex can make out the shimmer of tears against the sky blue of Kara's eyes and she feels her heart tug, sink in her chest because there's nothing she can say to make it better.

Still, she hopes that a hug will calm her panicked sister down enough so that they can all think rationally. She feels Kara's body shake against hers as she sniffles in an attempt to keep the tears at bay, so she pulls her closer, gently running her fingers through soft blonde hair.

Maggie rubs her hand across the Kryptonian's back. "We'll find her, Kara."

Kara twists her head to look at the detective, resting it against Alex's shoulder. She manages a weak smile and a nod but still feels tense, like something isn't right.

"She isn't picking up her cell?" Alex asks.

"It was on the table downstairs," comes Kara's weak reply.

"Come on," Maggie says, holding out her hand to Kara. "Let's go find ourselves a Luthor."

/

"We know that she isn't in the cabin," Maggie says, watching Kara repeatedly pace across the distance between the coffee table and the fireplace. "And she wasn't out front or on the back porch when we got back. She didn't leave a note in that pile on the table?"

Alex gets up from next to Maggie on the couch and begins to rummage through Lena's files, turning up nothing. She shakes her head.

"Okay," Maggie says, well and truly in detective mode. "Any notifications on her phone?"

Alex shakes her head. "Nothing other than a news alert about the attack in the city."

"What if she's gone home?" Kara says, stopping in her tracks. She refuses to believe the worst.

"Maybe, but it seems strange for her to disappear without an explanation," Alex says, setting Lena's phone back down on the table.

"I guess you could try calling CatCo and L-Corp?" Maggie suggests, knowing that Lena was often at one place or the other, even at strange times in the day, because that was usually where Kara was too.

Kara pulls her phone from her pocket. The screen is bright as it lights up, and she sees a single missed call.

"She called me," Kara says, her voice barely audible.

"What? When?" Alex says, standing over Kara's shoulder so that she can see the phone.

"A little after three," she replies, handing her phone to Alex. "I haven't checked it since before we left and I'd have been right in the middle of the fight around three."

"Can you trace the location?" Alex asks Maggie.

"Probably, pass me your laptop," the detective replies.

Maggie takes it from her girlfriend and fires it up as Alex and Kara call CatCo and L-Corp.

"James has been in the office since four and hasn't seen or heard from her," Alex says when she hangs up, tapping her cell against the palm of her hand as she tries to concentrate, tries to think of what to do next.

"Jess says she's not at L-Corp," Kara adds, resting her forehead against her hand as she tries to stop the panic she's feeling from rising any further, from dragging her into the depths of despair. It doesn't work. "There's nowhere else she'd go, nowhere else she'd be!"

"Just try to stay calm," Alex says, gently rubbing her sister's arm.

"Would you be calm if Maggie was the one who was missing?" Kara snaps. She doesn't mean to take her worry, her anger out on Alex, and Alex knows it too, so she pulls her sister in for another hug as Maggie watches their exchange.

"No," the agent says into Kara's hair. "I wouldn't. We just need to do our best to keep a clear head and not think the worst."

Kara nods as they break apart. "Sorry for snapping."

Alex gives Kara a small smile before wiping away a single tear that had strayed down her pink cheeks.

"Do you have her cell?" Maggie asks when she sees that their moment is over.

"Yeah," Kara replies, retrieving it from the table. Her eyes fall upon the note that she'd left for Lena earlier that morning. Unfolding it, she reads her own words.

"Kara?" Alex says, her eyebrows knitting together with concern when she sees that the Kryptonian is frozen in place, all her attention focused on the small piece of paper.

"Kara, what is it?" Maggie asks, equally as concerned.

Kara manages to tear her eyes away from the sheet. Instead, they desperately seek to find her favourite comfy cardigan amongst the others she'd left hung on the coat hanger by the door. When they don't find it, the realisation hits her like a ton of bricks.

"I know where she's gone."

/

The sun has begun to rise, bathing the mass of leafy green trees in an orange glow.

Kara barely notices the temperature rising as she flies above the woodland. She doesn't hear the trickle of the stream as its divide weaves between the trees. She doesn't care that the wind combines with her tears to make her eyes sting.

She has blocked everything out.

She listens only for Lena's heartbeat, the one that she has come to know so well. The same one that relaxes her when she's worried, the one that flutters a little whenever they snuggle up in bed or on the couch, the one that is always so steady when her own is not.

But she can't hear it, and the silence is the most deafening thing she's ever heard.

Kara's eyes search the ground, her x-ray vision scouring between the areas where branches overlap one another, leaving the woodland floor invisible to regular eyes.

When her searching turns up nothing, she stops.

Hovering above the trees and closing her eyes, she listens out for Alex and Maggie instead. They have split up and are combing every inch of the woods that surround the cabin, calling Lena's name over and over again until the sound becomes a constant echo.

Kara tilts her head back in frustration before looking down to continue her search.

That's when she sees it.

Kara's cardigan is slightly obscured by a fallen tree, but it's there.

She quickly lowers herself to the ground, landing next to it, her eyes beginning to fill with fresh tears. She scoops it up, batting off bits of dried mud and fallen leaves as she looks around her.

"Lena?" She shouts, her voice filled with fear.

The only response is her own voice being repeated back to her.

"LENA!" She screams, sending waves of alarmed birds flapping into the sky.

But no one in the world, nothing in the universe could ever feel as terrified as Kara does now.

/

Alex and Maggie have just closed the back door to the cabin when they see a blue and red figure falling through the sky.

Alex cups her hands over her eyes as she tries to focus on it through the long pane of glass in the door. Then she flings it open, rushing outside onto the deck, Maggie on her heels.

They both search Kara as she falls closer, desperate to see her clinging to another figure.

But she's not.

She's holding something creamy, or at least it was once.

Alex looks at Maggie and sees her own worry reflected in her girlfriend's face.

Kara crash lands in front of them, skidding to a halt at their feet, her body hunched. She doesn't look up, doesn't say anything. She just cradles the cardigan she's holding.

Alex crouches so that they're at the same level. Although Kara doesn't look at her, Alex can see the redness, the puffiness of her eyes that are still streaming with tears. Her diaphragm heaves with every sudden, sharp intake of breath and the hands that clutch the cardigan are white from the strength of her grip, shaking, unsteady.

Alex wraps an arm around her sister in an attempt to pull her up, to guide her inside and out of the rain that was starting to fall from the clouds that had only recently begun to form. Kara doesn't respond, not even when Maggie takes her hand.

"Kara, sweetie," Alex says softly, rubbing the cape on her sister's back, dread weighing down on her body. "Please say something, talk to us."

Kara begins to bawl, her grip tightening against the material in her hands.

Alex's eyes find Maggie's, and the detective can see the alarm, the worry, the concern that fills them as she too struggles to fight back tears that pool from seeing her sister in such a distressed state.

Alex hasn't seen Kara cry like this for a while, hasn't seen her in this state since she first arrived on Earth.

"Kara," Maggie tries carefully. "Is this her cardigan?"

Kara shakes her head, her now wet hair sticking to her face, tears and raindrops blending into one. "It's m-mine. She must have b-been wearing it."

Alex and Maggie look at each other but don't say anything as Kara continues after a few deep, shaky breaths.

"She went looking for me and now she's gone."


	3. Playing a Game She Can't Win

Lena blinks.

She struggles to focus her eyes on her surroundings, stares into the dim light in order to understand her environment.

She's in a small room. Cabinets and cupboards outline the walls, but there is nothing distinctive about it, nothing that tells her where she is.

Her wrists are firmly strapped by her side and a belt runs across her middle, tying her to a cold metal panel that holds her a little short of vertical.

She's alone, the only noise being the faint humming of the lights emitted from the underside of the higher cupboards. A chill sends a shiver down her spine and she realises that she isn't wearing Kara's cardigan anymore.

And then everything comes flooding back; being in the cabin, going to bed with Kara, waking up to find her gone, looking for her in the woods.

A hand clamping over her mouth, stifling her screams for her girlfriend.

And then nothing.

Lena's body suddenly fills with dread, with panic. The rise and fall of her diaphragm quickens with every short breath when she realises the last thing she can remember.

She couldn't find Kara.

Kara had been out there and Lena couldn't find her.

What if she's been taken too?

What if she's here somewhere, strapped to a bed, frightened and alone and confused?

Beautiful, sweet, innocent Kara who always sees the best in people, probably taken because of her association with a Luthor.

This isn't the first time Lena has been kidnapped, and she knows that it won't be the last attempt, but Kara doesn't deserve this.

At least Alex and Maggie weren't in the cabin. At least they'll be safe.

Maybe they're out there right now, looking for Kara, looking for Lena too because they've come back to find the cabin empty.

A detective and a fed are probably scouring every inch of the city and its outskirts, desperately searching for them. Supergirl is probably helping them and that thought lifts a tiny weight from her chest.

Until the door handle rattles.

A man enters, a white lab coat draped over his shoulders, carrying a silver briefcase and a clipboard under his arm.

He quickly glances at Lena but says nothing, instead turning his back on her and placing the box on the countertop with a thud.

Lena stares at him, her brows knitting together.

"Where am I?" She asks, her voice hoarse, probably from the shouting in the forest.

The man ignores her as he fumbles around in his coat pocket before pulling out a pen and scribbling something on his clipboard.

"How long have I been here?" She tries instead.

The man still doesn't turn around, doesn't acknowledge her.

Lena can feel uncontrollable anger building inside her. "Hey, I'm talking to you!"

The man visibly freezes, probably shocked by Lena's outburst almost as much as she is. Hostages weren't usually this vocal.

He resumes his work and digs around inside the briefcase, pulling out vials, needles, syringes and a black strap.

Lena's eyes widen in horror.

The vials are filled with a bold red liquid.

Blood.

But something more is mixed in with it, another red substance of a slightly different shade, something that Lena doesn't recognise.

The man picks up the strap and turns to face Lena properly for the first time. She takes in the blankness of his expression, the way that he refuses to look her in the eye.

He stands in front of her and reaches out to grab her arm. Lena begins to thrash around as much as she can despite the wrist restraints. Her attempts to escape the man's grasp fail and after a struggle he manages to wrap the strap across her arm, pulling it tight across her bicep.

"What are you doing? What is that?" Lena asks, looking between her arm, the man and the red vials in panic.

If the man has any intention of answering her question, which seems unlikely, his opportunity is cut short when the door slowly, eerily creeks open.

Lena stares open-mouthed at the figure that stands in the doorway.

"Mother?"

Lena continues to stare at Lillian, too shocked to say anything else. Her face changes from surprise to confusion to disbelief to anger, all in the space of a few seconds.

"Oh Lena, do close your mouth," Lillian says, striding into the room and clicking the door closed. "You look so silly gawping at me like that."

Lena's eyebrows knit together. The normalcy of the insult surprises her, and Lillian sneers at her daughter's expression.

Lena feels anger rise again, grits her teeth to stop herself from screaming at the woman who was supposed to love her, care about her, look after her.

Be her mother.

Not have her kidnapped and restrained in a dingy room.

Lillian studies Lena in silence, something that used to disconcert her but no longer had the desired effect.

"What am I doing here, mother?" Lena eventually asks, trying to sound more annoyed and inconvenienced than angry. She doesn't want Lillian to see her fear, the worry she feels for Kara.

Lillian cackles. "Of all the questions you could ask, that's the one you choose?"

Lena glares at the smug woman. "What should I be asking?"

Lillian grins. "You're a smart girl, Lena. I'm sure you can figure that out yourself."

Lena sighs, exasperated. She knows that her mother is playing games, messing with her head and deliberately avoiding her questions but she doesn't know why.

"What's in the vials?"

Lillian takes a moment to consider her answer. She begins to pace slowly, the sound of her heels colliding against the floor echoing around the room. "That would be telling."

"For goodness sakes, mother," Lena hisses, tilting her head back against the cool metal behind her. She's had enough of her incessant teasing to last her a lifetime.

Lillian says nothing, displays no emotion despite her daughter's outburst. She simply stands there, her arms folded, leaning slightly against one of the cupboards.

Lena glares back, her fists balled so tightly that her knuckles are white from the strain.

The older Luthor notices and closes the distance between them. She gently wraps her hand around Lena's.

Lena's whole body tenses at her mother's touch. It feels peculiar, wrong even. From being little she has always craved closeness and human contact but it was a rarity in the Luthor household, so to have her mother carefully taking her hand and trying to unclench her fists was more confusing to her than being kidnapped and held against her will.

Lillian's eyes look up to find Lena's stormy green ones glaring back at her, defiance and anger burning deep within them. But Lillian can also see turmoil flickering behind the fury, the confusion she has caused by taking her hand.

Lena gulps hard, has to fight the chaos that churns inside her, has to stop it from gripping her and taking over her every thought. She knows that her mother is playing a game, a game that she can't let her win. But the more she tries to figure out what her mother wants, the further she gets from the answer.

Because there is no obvious answer, despite what Lillian says.

Her mother is wicked, immoral and a criminal.

Worst of all, she is unpredictable.

Lena is first to drop her gaze, unable to stare into Lillian's cold eyes any longer. She suddenly looks a little defeated, even if she is trying to hide it. She quickly regains her composure, sets her jaw and wriggles her hand until Lillian lets go.

The elder woman remains quiet and never takes her eyes off Lena as she backs away, sensing that a question is burning on the tip of her daughter's tongue.

"Where's Kara?"

Lillian raises an eyebrow, her mouth turning up into a half smile. "I'm a little shocked that that wasn't your opening question, but you got there in the end."

Lena's heart begins to beat faster. "Answer me!"

Lillian laughs. "You always were a demanding child, Lena," she states, folding her arms.

"I don't care about what you want or why I'm here or even about what's in those vials," Lena growls. "But if you've done anything to hurt Kara I swear I'll-"

"You'll what?" Lillian cocks an eyebrow.

Lena doesn't finish her sentence, instead opting for a different approach. "Just tell me where she is."

"She isn't here," Lillian says simply. "I haven't taken her."

Lena tries to read her expression. She can usually tell when her mother is lying, but her face gives nothing away if she is.

"I don't believe you."

Lillian walks up to Lena, moves her face to within inches of her daughter's. Lena can feel her hot breath on her face as she speaks.

_"I. Don't. Have. Her."_

Lena struggles to comprehend her mother's words as she realises that she isn't lying.

Kara isn't here.

Her mother hasn't taken her.

So where is she?

Lena's eyes suddenly fill with tears. She can't stop them from flooding down her cheeks and it angers her that she can't wipe them away. Her chest heaves uncontrollably as each breath catches in her throat, which begins to feel more and more constricted with every passing second. She bites her lip in an attempt to stop it from trembling, feels blood seep into her mouth.

"I h-have to find her, you have to l-let me go," Lena blubbers between shaky breaths. "Please, I n-need to find her."

"You see, this is your problem," Lillian begins with a sigh. "This is why you'll never achieve anything. Lex never let love get in his way, and that is why he's so much stronger than you'll ever be."

Lillian nods her head at the man beside her. He had spent the last few minutes busying himself with the vials and syringe, but upon receiving Lillian's signal he leaves the room, closing the door behind him.

"You could have been incredible," Lillian continues as Lena sniffles, struggling to take in her mother's words as her worry for Kara grows. "You could have made an important difference to the world, but you always choose to fight for the wrong side."

The door opens and the man returns, followed closely by Hank Henshaw. He doesn't even spare a glance at Lena; he takes the syringe and stands in front of her.

"But who knows, you may still make a difference yet. There is still time for you to redeem yourself and become the Luthor, the hero you were destined to be. After all, she's been lying to you, Lena. If you knew who Kara Danvers really was, you wouldn't be so eager to find her."

An almost unnoticeable nod from Lillian tells Henshaw to inject Lena with the blood. She tries to fight him but he grips her arm and plunges it in, his cyborg technology enabling him to know exactly which spot to insert it into to get the quickest results.

"No! No!" Lena screams. "I don't believe you! You have to let me find her!"

She watches the vial empty into her arm, feels the liquid swirling around in her veins. It feels strange, fuzzy.

"Supergirl will come," Lena spits, venom dripping in her voice. "She'll find me. She always does."

Lillian smiles arrogantly.

The fuzzy sensation that has quickly spread through Lena's body disappears and is replaced by a warm ache.

And it keeps getting warmer.

And warmer.

And warmer.

Until her entire body feels like it's on fire. Every vein, every blood vessel, every inch of her skin burns and she cries out in pain. She thrashes around, grits her teeth as the feeling intensifies but all she can think about is not knowing where Kara is, not knowing whether Alex and Maggie and Supergirl have found her, not knowing whether she's safe.

When the feeling eventually subsides and leaves only a dull ache, Lena's head lolls against her shoulder and she feels her eyelids drooping. As much as she tries to fight it, she can feel herself slipping into unconsciousness.

A single sentence shatters through the darkness that envelopes her as she loses the battle.

"Where is your precious Kryptonian now?"


	4. What if I Never See Her Again?

Kara feels numb.

She kneels in front of the flickering hologram of her mother, her eyes glazed over as she stares into space.

Every available agent had been called in the second Kara knew that Lena was definitely missing, but no one has found any trace of her.

After Alex and Maggie had scooped Kara up from the porch and gently guided her back into the cabin out of the rain, they quickly jumped into Maggie's car and the detective used her blues to get them back as quickly as possible, deciding that this was an emergency even if it risked getting her into trouble with work.

Kara had sat in the back, tears streaming down her face, but she was silent. Alex had sat with her, wrapped her arms around her and pulled Kara's head so that it rested against Alex's shoulder. Her hand gently stroked her hair and she had planted a kiss on top of her head before promising repeatedly that they would find Lena, that they'd being her home safe.

After that, everything is a blur.

Kara doesn't remember arriving at the DEO, has no idea how she got to be in her quiet room, doesn't know where Alex has gone, doesn't know where Maggie has gone.

But right now she doesn't care.

Because she knows that they're safe.

She doesn't care because she doesn't know where Lena is.

One of the people she loves the most in the entire universe is missing and it's all because of her.

As she kneels in the empty room, her cheeks still shiny with tears and her bottom lip quivering, the same thoughts inescapably churn through her head on repeat.

_She could have been quicker._

She shouldn't have got in the car; she could have flown back to the cabin no matter how tired she felt because Lena wouldn't have been alone for as long.

_She could have come up with a better excuse for her absence._

She has no idea what, but right now she thinks that anything would have been better than the crappy explanation she wrote on that stupid note.

_She could have taken her back to the city with them._

That way, she could have kept her safe.

But the biggest thing, the thought that hits her hardest, sends her heart plunging into her stomach, makes her body tense and her breaths short and sharp and painful….

_She should have told her the truth._

If she'd told Lena the real reason she left, where she really was and why, maybe she'd never have gone into the woods.

If she'd told Lena who she really is, that she's more than the person she allows her to see, maybe she'd have been safe at the DEO until the fight was over.

Kara's heart feels like it stops as one thought fights its way through her clouded mind and surfaces above the rest.

If she'd told Lena that she's Supergirl, none of this would have happened.

She begins to sob, her diaphragm heaving with every breath as she gasps for air, feeling like she can't breathe, feeling like the pain and the guilt and the worry are suffocating her.

Alex slips into the room expecting to see Kara praying but is met by the sight of her sister slumped on the floor, knees bent beneath her as she leans on one arm and beats the ground with the other. Her wails turn to growls as she becomes more and more angry until the floor begins to crack under the force that she hammers onto it.

Alex rushes over, cautious of Kara's flailing fist. Panic rises in her chest as she envelopes Kara, wraps her arms around her to still her, calm her down, but she can feel her shaking, trembling as she continues to cry inconsolably. Alex gently cradles Kara and rocks her from side to side, holding her head against her chest. Seeing her sister sad always upsets her but this is different. Seeing her like this shatters her heart into a million tiny pieces because she knows that there's only one thing that she can do to fix it.

And so far, her attempts to do that one thing have turned up nothing.

"Listen to my heart, Kara," Alex says softly, trying to hold back tears of her own and keep her voice steady. "Focus on it, breathe, c'mon."

Kara clings to Alex, grips her shirt at the shoulders as she tries to steady herself.

She does as Alex tells her, breathes in and out, in and out as she listens to the accelerated thump of her heart.

She looks up at Alex, finds her eyes, watches her as she demonstrates inhaling and exhaling slowly but surely.

Kara eventually calms down, although Alex doesn't want to let her go, wants to hold her tight to protect her so that she can't be hurt anymore. She knows that Kara loves Lena, but she didn't realise just how much she means to her. Alex really likes her too, is beginning to love her like a little sister and would do anything to protect her and she knows that Maggie feels the same.

Kara sniffles and dries her cheeks, although tears still squeeze from the corner of her eyes.

Eventually, Alex cups her sister's face in her hands. "C'mon sweetie, come with me." She holds out her hand for Kara to take. "You won't find Lena if you stay in here."

Kara blinks a few times as she takes in Alex's words, looks up at her with sad puppy eyes and unsteadily rises from the floor. Her legs are a little wobbly so Alex wraps an arm around her shoulder and caringly guides her back to the main room where she will be able to see just how many people are trying their damndest to find Lena.

/

Alex sits Kara at her desk.

"Okay, what do we know?" She asks the room, leaning against the desk and never leaving Kara's side.

Winn spins in his chair and sees Kara with her head against the desk. He's worried about his best friend but knows that Alex will have everything under control, so he focuses on his job.

"Right now, we have nothing," he says quietly. "We've checked CCTV at the gas station closest to the cabin and we've got a team of agents scouring every inch of the forest."

"You're wasting your time, she's not there!" Kara declares with absolute certainty. If Lena had been there she'd have found her. She knows it.

Winn nods, not wanting to upset his friend by saying the wrong thing. "We've checked CCTV at her apartment, spoken to the door guys at her apartment, L-Corp and CatCo as well as Jess and Eve again..." Winn pauses, unsettled by what he's about to say next. "She hasn't been to any of those places since before she left."

Alex's shoulders rise as she huffs in exasperation. She habitually pulls her hair behind her ear as she tries to think of other places they can check.

"What about Edge's office?"

Winn shakes his head.

"Hospitals?"

Another no.

At Winn's silence, Kara lowers her head to Alex's desk and closes her eyes, listens for the sound of Lena's heartbeat that isn't there.

Lena can't just disappear off the face of the earth.

Can she?

"What about the airport?" Kara asks, lifting her head and twisting to look at Maggie.

"She hasn't used her private jet," she says almost apologetically. "Or left the country but we've got an alert out to every airport."

At this, Kara jumps up from her seat and begins to pace before looking at J'onn who is stood at the table in the middle of the room.

"Can you locate her mind?"

J'onn folds his arms as he focuses, his eyes glowing red. He grimaces as he searches and searches before sighing dejectedly.

"I can't find her."

Kara sighs dejectedly.

If she and J'onn can't find her, who can?

"This is hopeless!" Kara shouts. "She's gone! She's gone and it's all my fault. Lena Luthor, the woman I love, is missing and probably dead because of me!"

"Kara, you don't know that," Alex begins but is cut off before she can continue.

"She has enough people who want her dead," Kara states.

Too many to count, she thinks but doesn't say.

"Kara, you can't blame yourself. We all left her there," Maggie adds in an attempt to make the Kryptonian feel better.

"But she's my girlfriend! It's my job to protect her, not yours and I've failed!" Kara's voice lowers to barely a whisper. "What if I never see her again?" Her eyes begin to pool with fresh tears.

"Kara listen to me," Alex says, raising Kara's chin to get her sister to look her in the eye. "We will find her. I promise you. We are going to find her together." Her voice is assertive, confident, strong even though she feels none of those things in that moment, although she won't let Kara see that.

"Who else knew where we were going?" Maggie asks. When she sees the questioning look on everyone's faces, she elaborates. "Who knew where we were going to be? Who could Lena have told?"

Kara shrugs. "All the people we've already said... Jess, Eve, her door guards, maybe her driver... Has anyone reported her m-missing?"

"No, but I can if you want me to," Maggie says gently, pulling out her phone.

Kara violently shakes her head. "No, no, the press'll have a field day. Alex said it; we can handle this, right?"

Everyone nods.

Kara begins to pace again just as her phone rings. She pulls it from the hidden pocket in her suit that she refused to take off despite being soaking wet.

She stares at the big bold lettering on the screen.

**UNKNOWN**

Alex peers over Kara's shoulder, Maggie on her other side when Kara doesn't answer it immediately.

Alex nudges her and gestures for her to answer, so she does. She quickly flicks on the loudspeaker.

"Hello?"

"Miss Danvers, how nice of you to answer my call. It only took you eight rings."

Kara's blood boils. She can feel anger building from her core and sees she shocked expressions of Alex and Maggie and those around her.

"Lillian? What do you want?"

Lillian cackles and Kara can hear the smugness in her voice as she speaks. "Now now, Miss Danvers, I'd have thought that after all those years working as Cat Grant's assistant you'd have a better telephone manner."

Kara has to stop herself from growling down the line.

"How did you get this number, Luthor?" Alex hisses, yanking the phone from Kara's hand.

"Ahh, the other Danvers. Equally as polite, I see. Your mother must be proud."

Alex has to stop the insult aimed at Eliza from making her feel any more incensed than she already does. "How did you get this number?"

Lillian laughs again. "Well, Agent Danvers, I'm sure you're aware of Hank's capabilities. It was far too easy for him to find."

Maggie gestures at Alex to give her the phone. She takes it, waves Winn out of the way and hooks it up to his computer as the agent watches on.

They quickly realise that she's going to trace the call.

Keep talking, Maggie mouths to Alex and Kara.

"Yeah, well it won't happen again," Alex mutters, following Maggie's instructions.

"Oh, I know it won't," Lillian taunts. "I have a proposal for you, Kara."

Kara's eyebrows knit together, her crinkle forming profoundly between them as she sees her own perplexed expression mirrored in Alex's face.

"Meet me on top of the L-Corp building," Lillian commands, taking pleasure in the silence from the other end of the line. "I want to settle our issues once and for all, _Supergirl._ "

/

Kara flies out of the DEO so fast that everyone is left reeling in the gust of wind that she leaves in her wake.

"KARA!" Alex shouts into the comms. "Wait! What are you doing?"

"She knows something, Alex. I know she does."

"Kara," Winn tries. "There have been rumours that she's been developing a weapon, a powerful weapon that could be dangerous even to you."

"You have to come back, we need to figure out a plan," Alex adds but knows her appeals for her sister to return will be in vain.

Kara can see Lillian standing on top of the building as she approaches. She lands in front of the smirking criminal, leaving a gap of around ten feet between them.

"What do you want, Lillian?" Kara asks, anger filling her voice.

"We've been through this, Kara," Lillian sneers as she conceitedly places her hands in the pocket of her long trench coat. "You know I want you gone. You and your cousin have caused my family no end of trouble."

"You and Lex brought trouble upon yourselves," Kara retorts.

Lillian's laugh drips, oozes venom. "Whatever you say, dear. Let's agree to disagree, shall we?"

Kara says nothing, instead refusing to break the intense glare she throws at Lillian. If she glowered any harder, her heat vision would shoot from her eyes.

Maybe that wouldn't be such a bad thing.

Although then she'd have to live with the guilt of killing Lena's mother. Even though she knows Lena detests her, she's still the woman who was supposed to be her mother and there has always been a part of Lena that has sought her approval.

But Lena isn't even here, and that makes Kara feel worse.

"I hear you're building a weapon," Kara says, trying to steer the conversation away from family in an effort to make her get to the point.

Lillian ignores her.

"First, Superman has Lex locked up, the DEO has pursued me no end – to no avail, I might add – but worst of all, my daughter is dating an alien."

Kara laughs in disbelief. "Don't pretend that you care about Lena. You've never cared about her."

"That's where you're wrong," Lillian replies. "We may not see eye to eye, but I do love her."

"Yeah, well you have a funny way of showing it."

Lillian says nothing for a moment, and Kara tenses, not knowing whether her silence is good or bad.

It's definitely bad.

"If you really loved her, you'd have told her who you were a long time ago."

Lillian's words weigh heavy on Kara's mind but the eldest Luthor doesn't give them time to settle.

"Reveal yourself to her or stay away from my daughter."

Kara almost doesn't know how to respond. "I want to tell her but she's missing." Her voice is barely a whisper over the wind that whips across the top of the building.

"Missing?" Lillian almost chuckles. "Lena Luthor is missing and the Girl of Steel can't find her? Some girlfriend you are. You're no hero."

"Where is she?" Kara shouts assertively. Lillian knows something; Kara can feel it in her bones.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"STOP PLAYING GAMES WITH ME! WHERE IS LENA?"

Arrogance plasters itself across Lillian's features as she shrugs her shoulders nonchalantly.

"Don't make me ask you again."

Lillian raises an eyebrow sceptically. "I don't have your Lena."

Before Kara can speak again, Lillian snaps her fingers.

To her right, the door that leads to the roof is flung from its hinges with so much force that it almost flies over the other side of the building.

A figure steps out of the shadows and into the waning sunlight.

Kara's heart stops.

Her breath catches in her throat.

Her legs threaten to buckle beneath her.

She can hear Alex yelling down the comms but can't tell what she's saying, can't focus on anything except the woman who now stands shoulder to shoulder with Lillian.

This can't be right.

This isn't right.

This will _never_ be right.

"L-Lena?" Kara stutters in disbelief.

"I told you, I don't have your precious Lena," Lillian goads as Lena smirks next to her.

_"The Lena you knew is gone."_


	5. She's in There Somewhere

"Lena?" Kara stutters again. It's like her brain can't formulate any other words.

Lena is alive.

Kara should feel so ecstatic, so relieved to see her girlfriend standing in front of her, but she doesn't.

Because she's not really Lena.

Her startling green eyes glare into Kara's, burning deep into her soul, but something's off.

Kara loves those eyes, has searched every last millimetre of them, knows the exact location of every little fleck of green, knows exactly how Lena is feeling when she looks into them.

Sometimes they sparkle with excitement when she makes a new scientific breakthrough, sometimes they're cloudy when she's had a stressful day at CatCo, sometimes they flirtily tease Kara before she leans in for a kiss, sometimes they're a little watery when they watch The Notebook on movie night and then Kara can see the embarrassment in them as Lena tries and spectacularly fails to hide it.

There are a million different ways that Lena's eyes express how she's feeling, and Kara knows them all off by heart.

But now there's nothing there at all.

Her beautiful eyes stare into Kara's but they're vacant.

Kara has never seen them looking so empty, so devoid of emotion.

Devoid of love.

She almost doesn't recognise the Lena standing in front of her to the point that her stomach begins to knot with worry and disbelief and a whole host of other emotions that Kara can't even begin to describe.

"What have you done to her?" Kara growls, storming towards Lillian as the red mist descends.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Lillian doesn't move, doesn't look fearful of the angry Kryptonian raging towards her.

But what happens next shocks Kara to the bone.

Lena moves in front of her step-mother, placing herself between her and Kara almost protectively.

Kara falters, stopping a few feet away from her girlfriend. Her crinkle forms deep into her forehead as she looks between Lena and Lillian.

That crinkle usually makes Lena smirk or giggle because she thinks that Kara is cute when she's a little angry or frustrated.

Now it's Lena who looks angry.

"TELL ME!" Kara bellows, looking past Lena and straight at Lillian's cocky expression. "Please." Her voice waivers.

"A Kryptonian begging? I never thought I'd see the day," Lillian goads as Kara looks back at Lena. "I'll tell you what, I can do something better."

Kara waits expectantly for Lillian to finish whatever twisted thing she's saying.

"I'll show you."

Lena's body tenses and her hands ball into fists, clenching together so hard that her knuckles turn ghostly white. She lunges towards Kara, catching her off guard, and Kara feels a fist connect with her jaw line.

She stumbles backwards, her eyes wide with shock as she clutches a hand to her jaw.

That _hurt_.

It shouldn't hurt.

And Lena's hand should be broken with the force that it has just exerted against Kara's face.

But as it connects with Kara's abdomen, she knows that it's not.

"How?" Kara mutters quietly to herself as she stumbles away from Lena again, her mind flickering between the shooting pain that pulses across her face and trying to establish how Lena can possibly be so strong.

"Now now, Lena," Lillian says as the youngest Luthor raises her fist, ready to strike again. "Let Supergirl ask her questions. She deserves to know exactly how much pain she's caused you."

Lena responds to her mother's command by letting her fists unfurl. She visibly relaxes a little and steps away from Kara, once again placing herself a ahead of Lillian and in between her and Kara.

"How is she so strong?" Kara asks, the throbbing in her jaw not subsiding.

Lillian throws her hands out and shakes her head. "Remember that time I captured you and your little Daxamite friend?" Lillian knows that Kara knows exactly what she's talking about as she continues. "I took a sample of your blood using a Kryptonite needle. Let's just say that I mixed in a few other things and made a nice red cocktail." Lillian emphasises that last word, letting it linger on her tongue.

Kara can't believe what she's hearing. Her heart beats at a hundred miles an hour and she instinctively clenches her jaw in order to try to keep herself calm, though it only makes her angrier when it sends a shooting pain through her ear and into her head, causing her to grimace. "You've injected Lena with my _blood_?"

Lillian nods like it's the most obvious thing in the world.

Kara is seething. Lillian has used her own DNA against her and worse still, she's used it on Lena.

Kara's mind replays Lillian's twisted words.

_Blood….._

_Kryptonite….._

_Cocktail….._

"Wait, what did you mix it with?" Kara asks the question, although she's afraid that she already knows the answer.

This time, it isn't just Lillian who grins.

Lena's mouth turns up at the corners as a shimmer of red flickers across her face and disappears almost as quickly as it came.

"Red Kryptonite," Kara mutters to herself, astounded. In her shock, she stumbles backwards a little, her breathing suddenly heavy. "How could you?"

"It was quite easy, really. We found a way to bond your DNA to hers and the Red Kryptonite worked its own magic."

Kara takes an accusatory step forward. "You know that's not what I mean!"

Lillian shrugs. "This was the only way to make her see sense. Right now she hates you, and the only thing stopping her from killing you is me."

Kara takes a deep, shaky breath. "Did it hurt?" She asks, her voice catching in her throat.

Lillian stares at Kara blankly but Kara knows that she's feigning not knowing what she's being asked just to irritate her further.

"Did it hurt her when you gave her my blood?"

Lillian's face scrunches like she's thinking. "Judging by the number of times she screamed and cried out for Supergirl _and_ Kara, I would say so, yes."

All of Kara's rational thoughts are gone. Her entire body trembles, partly because of the overwhelming worry she feels for Lena and what has happened to her, but mostly because of the anger she feels towards the woman who caused it.

Kara uses her super speed to get to Lillian but is brought to an abrupt stop when she feels a hand close in around her throat.

Lena grips her tightly and holds her aloft with her tiptoes barely touching the ground. Kara struggles against her, her eyes wide as she fights to breathe.

Lena launches Kara into the top of the building. It cracks as her body smashes against it, leaving a small crater where Kara lies stunned. Lena pins her down so that she can't move.

"It was too easy to separate her from you," Lillian prods, watching the scene unfolding in front of her and feeling a sense of achievement.

Kara realises exactly what Lillian is talking about. The attack on the city was all a diversion to separate Kara, Alex and Maggie from Lena.

Lillian played on the fact that Kara likely wouldn't tell Lena that she's Supergirl and would leave her there, all alone.

Lillian sees the look of realisation on Kara's bruised face and smiles before she continues. "Aah, now you see your mistake. Yes, the attack was staged to draw you away from that ridiculous cabin that Lena loves so much. I knew that she'd go looking for you and that little note you left her made it even easier. It was quite simple, really."

Kara looks away from Lillian and straight into Lena's eyes.

They're still green, but they're still not Lena.

"Lena," Kara tries, but she's met by a punch to her cheek.

She looks up at Lena again, but the youngest Luthor still shows little emotion.

"Lena, it's me!"

Kara manages to block the flailing fist that comes her way again.

"You and your cousin have ruined my family."

At that moment, Alex, Maggie and a DEO team rush out of the entrance of the roof, their guns initially trained on Lillian until they see who has Kara restrained.

Kara and Lena's heads snap in Alex and Maggie's direction.

Kara can see the confusion on her sister and sister-in-law's faces as they slowly close the gap.

Kara subtly shakes her head at Alex in an effort to keep her from coming closer before looking back at Lena.

"It's Kara."

Lena's attention flits back to Kara.

"Kara is a liar. _You_ are a liar."

At the launch of Lena's next attack, Kara stops Lena by catching her fist. It takes Lena by surprise which gives Kara enough time to free herself from Lena's grip.

They stand facing each other, but Kara's words seem to be having no effect on her girlfriend, so she tries again, willing it to work.

"I'm Kara," she says. "And I'm not going to fight you, Lena."

Lena tilts her head to one side and smirks. "Kara Danvers was a mistake. I never loved her. She means nothing to me."

Suddenly, Lena launches towards Kara and sends a kick right into her gut.

Kara flies backwards but manages to steady herself in the air.

She feels a hand grip around her foot and yank her downwards. She crashes into the building, sending more chunks of the roof flying in all directions.

"Supergirl!" Alex shouts. She begins to rush forward but stops in her tracks when Lena glowers at her and Alex sees that immediately recognisable flicker of red.

"Oh my God," Alex exclaims, her mind racing to figure out how Red Kryptonite can work on a non-Kryptonian. She protectively holds out her arm to stop Maggie from getting any closer and signals for her team to stop. "That's not possible."

"Lena, you can fight this," Kara implores her girlfriend, looking up as Lena stands over her. "You're stronger than anyone I've ever known."

Lena frowns but doesn't release the threatening grip she has on Kara's suit.

"I am Kara Danvers and I am Supergirl and deep down you know it. I think a part of you has known for a long time."

Lena's frown deepens further.

Kara thinks that Lena looks more like herself. She's wearing her deep-in-thought expression that so often pulls at her features.

She's getting through to her.

"I'm so sorry I didn't tell you, Lena. It was stupid and selfish of me and after all of this I'll understand if you never forgive me. But this is not you."

Lena releases her grip on Kara's suit and stands up.

Kara unsteadily gets to her feet. Her face throbs and her stomach aches but she doesn't pay them any attention.

There's barely any distance between her and Lena now.

"Kara Danvers…. Was…. A mistake…." Lena says, but she doesn't look sure. She sounds like she's questioning what she's saying and briefly looks to Lillian as if to get confirmation before turning her attention back to Kara.

Kara feels her eyes begin to well with tears as Lena's words hit her a million times harder than her punches. Her throat burns as she tries to fight them but she can't. They begin to tumble down her cheeks and she closes the small gap between her and her girlfriend.

She carefully takes Lena's hand in her own and places it flat against her chest over her heart, over her S, keeping her own hand over Lena's and squeezing it tightly.

_"I am Kara Danvers and I love you."_

Lena's eyes focus on Kara's teary blue ones.

She blinks a few times and Kara can see a flicker of recognition flash in them like there's an internal struggle going on in Lena's brain.

Lena's eyes suddenly shimmer with tears. "Kara?"

Kara nods vigorously. "Yeah, Lena. Yeah, sweetie, it's me." She pulls the other woman into a tight embrace and feels Lena's hands on her back.

Kara breathes an audible sigh of relief and she feels herself relax a little.

"Kara… Kar… Ka…"

Lena's body suddenly goes limp becomes a dead weight in Kara's arms.

"Lena!"

Kara lowers her to the ground. She kneels with Lena's head resting in the nook of her arm and her back across her lap and Alex quickly materialises at her side.

Kara pulls Lena's hair away from her face as Alex checks her pulse.

Lena blinks, blinks, blinks, her eyes flitting around, unable to focus on anything before they roll up into her head.

"No, no, no!"

Kara looks at her sister, frightened.

"Alex, what's happening? What's happening to her?"


	6. More Bad than Good

"Get her to the DEO now!" Alex commands Kara, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "I'm right behind you."

Alex knows that this is dangerous, that it could all be part of Lillian's plan, whatever that is, to take down Supergirl and the DEO from the inside, but the DEO is the only place equipped to potentially save Lena, the only place that could hope to contain her in her Red Kryptonite state and the only place secure enough to stop the prying eyes of the world from watching.

They have no other choice.

Kara looks into her sister's eyes and tries to find reassurance and comfort in their deep brown, even though it's exactly the opposite of how Alex is feeling on the inside.

Kara scoops Lena into her arms, her left resting across the top of her back and her right sitting under the crook of Lena's knees. She clutches her to her chest, clings to her like you would a tiny baby that you want to protect from the threat of the world.

Because Lena is Kara's world.

And having already literally lost one of those, the thought of losing another is more than she can even bear to think about.

During the whole commotion when Kara was trying to get to the real Lena behind the Red Kryptonite and the torture and her sudden hatred of Supergirl, Lillian had been stood off to the side, a smug smirk plastered across her sneering face.

Her grin had faltered when she'd seen Lena crumple in Supergirl's arms; Maggie would even go so far as to say that there was a brief flicker of panic in her eyes.

Lillian watches as Supergirl takes to the skies, Lena lying unconscious in her arms as they disappear from view in less than a second.

Her attention quickly flits from the sky to the tiny detective who is approaching her, two DEO agents over either shoulder, and her expression once again turns complacent and uncaring.

"You didn't think it would be that easy, did you?" Lillian goads as Maggie gets closer. "Do you think I haven't planned for this?"

"The game's up, Luthor. You've got nowhere to go," Maggie shouts back, signalling for the two agents to apprehend Lillian.

"I would hope," Lillian begins, looking from Maggie to Alex, who had just finished giving orders to other agents and was now striding over. "That you would have learned by now that I am not to be underestimated."

Lillian takes a couple of steps back until she comes to the edge of the building. Alex and Maggie's eyes widen in horror when they realise what Lillian is about to do.

"You're outta your mind," Alex hisses, rooted to the spot.

Lillian shrugs her shoulders dismissively. "We'll agree to disagree, Agent Danvers."

Without warning, Lillian spins quickly on her heels and swan dives off the side of the building.

Alex and Maggie simultaneously gasp before dashing towards where Lillian was standing only seconds ago.

Alex throws her hand in front of Maggie as they approach the edge and Maggie responds by clutching it tightly against her stomach as they steady each other. They squint into the late evening darkness, which is lit only by streetlights now that the sun has disappeared behind the stretching horizon of skyscrapers.

"You have got to be kidding me," Alex mutters, her shock and frustration blending into one when she sees Lillian.

She isn't plummeting to the ground.

She's gliding gracefully over the streets below.

Because fastened to her outstretched arms are two long pieces of dark fabric outlined by slim narrow strips of shiny grey metal that meet in a sharp point over her fingertips.

Wings.

Alex and Maggie watch, completely mystified, as Lillian drifts into the darkness and is consumed by the night.

/

"I need help!" Kara shouts, running into the med bay, Lena lying splayed in her arms.

She carefully places Lena onto a med bed as Doctor Hamilton and her team swarm around her.

"Is that Lena Luthor?" One of the junior doctors asks, shocked.

Kara nods as she looks over to Doctor Hamilton. "We need to get the Red Kryptonite out of her system. It's doing something to her."

"Red Kryptonite?" Hamilton practically gasps, having seen the effect it had had on Kara. "How is that possible?"

"Lillian injected her with it. It was already attached to my DNA when it bonded to hers and now…" Kara's voice cracks and gets quieter as she speaks before she trails off completely.

"Okay, at least we have an idea of what we're working with," Doctor Hamilton reassures Kara before giving orders to her team.

"Supergirl?"

Kara glances over her shoulder to see J'onn walking into the room. Her eyes immediately flit to his hands, which play nervously with a set of handcuffs that emit a light green from around the edges.

"Wait, what are those for?" Kara asks, confused, as J'onn walks past her and towards Lena. She feels a small ache in her muscles as he passes but doesn't show it.

"She's dangerous, Kara. We can't risk her hurting anyone," J'onn replies honestly, if a little despondently because he knows how much Lena means to Kara.

_Dangerous._

The word sounds foreign in her head when she tries to associate it with Lena.

Lena is the opposite of dangerous.

She's sweet and kind and gentle and honest and brave.

So, _so_ brave.

Brave for standing up to the name and its stigma that threatened to consume her, brave for always being herself and not letting the opinions of others ruin the positive changes she tries to make for the benefit of the world and everyone in it.

Brave for giving her heart and her whole self to Kara.

Kara wishes that she was as courageous as Lena, wishes that she'd told her who she was before this dire situation was thrust upon them and threatened to force them apart forever.

 _Lena is not dangerous,_ Kara thinks again.

The only dangerous thing right now is the fact that Lena could lose her life, whether she lives or dies.

And it would be all Kara's fault.

"I was getting through to her!" Kara's voice is raised, her tone bordering angry. "She was her before she collapsed, J'onn, I saw it in her eyes! That has to count for something?"

J'onn raises his eyes to meet Kara's, the conflict in his mind evident in them having been filled in on Lena's situation by Alex as she was making her way back to the DEO.

"I'm sorry, Kara," he says solemnly. "I truly am, but we don't know what we're dealing with. She may have seemed like herself but until we know which Lena wakes up I have to think about the safety of everyone in this building."

"But the Kryptonite will hurt her!" Kara exclaims, using her super speed to place herself between Lena and J'onn as Hamilton inserts a line into her arm.

She feels the glowing green weakening her entire body but she doesn't relinquish her position.

"Kara-"

Kara shakes her head vehemently. "No! I will not let any more harm come to her. None of this is her fault. She doesn't deserve any of this!"

"Kara," J'onn tries again.

"Lena is the victim here. Not me, not the DEO, Lena. She's the one who is fighting for her life. She was angry with me, J'onn." Kara's voice wavers as tears begin to pool in her eyes and spill in streams down her bruised cheeks. "The only person she was out to hurt was me… I've done this to her, J'onn. She's here right now because of me."

Kara begins to sob uncontrollably, the stress and emotion of the last couple of days finally overwhelming her. Her rapid breaths hitch in her throat, causing her diaphragm to shake as she fights to breathe, partly because of the Kryptonite, but mostly because of the mixture of emotions that are swirling around in her body.

J'onn passes one of the doctors the Kryptonite-laced handcuffs but signals for her to hold off from using them on Lena. He wraps his arms around Kara, whose hands are covering her face as she cries. He places a gentle kiss into the top of her blonde hair before resting his chin atop her head.

"We're going to do everything we can, Kara," J'onn says quietly, hating seeing Kara like this.

He looks up to find Alex and Maggie striding into the room. He immediately sees their frowns that quickly turn into worried expressions when they take in the weeping hero.

He lifts a hand from Kara's back and beckons Alex over, knowing that there's only one person who could possibly get through to Kara right now.

It only takes the elder Danvers a second to close the distance between them. She stands at Kara's side and gently peels her away from J'onn, transferring her from his arms into her strong embrace. Bringing Kara's head to rest on her shoulder, Alex soothingly runs her fingers through wavy blonde hair and murmurs 'shhh' softly, repeatedly, in order to calm her distressed sister.

She can feel tears staining her shirt as Kara trembles in her arms and that only makes Alex cling to her tighter; she's trying to tell her that she's not alone, that she's going to do her best to make everything okay.

It's almost as if Kara senses this.

"W-what if she n-never comes back, Alex?" Kara stutters into Alex's shoulder, her muffled words split by the sudden gasps for air that snag in her throat.

Alex didn't think that her heart could ache much more after seeing Kara looking so shattered and bruised, the opposite of her animated, outgoing, happy self.

But as Kara's question settles in the air, she feels her heart grow heavier and heavier in the few seconds it takes her to answer.

"We're going to bring her back, Kara," Alex almost whispers, hoping that Kara can't sense the uncertainty in her voice. "I promise."

Alex knows that she's taking an incredible risk by promising this when they have no idea what's happening to Lena, but right now she'd say anything to ease her sister's pain.

"Sir?"

A small voice cuts through Alex's thoughts. She glances over her shoulder to see a junior doctor holding out the Kryptonite-covered handcuffs to J'onn.

"Get those out of here!" Alex barks at no one in particular.

Peyton, the young doctor, looks at Alex, alarmed by her sudden sharp outburst. Even Kara lifts her head from Alex's shoulder, her reddened eyes following Alex's stare. J'onn, however, remains calm.

"Alex, we have to take precautions," J'onn says. His tone is more forceful than it was with Kara. "You know that better than anyone."

"But there has to be a better way," Maggie chips in, knowing that using the Kryptonite on someone who is even half-Kyrptonian will likely hurt them just as much.

Alex bites her lip, deep in thought. She can feel Kara's sobs lessening and finds her shimmering blue eyes staring into her own like they're desperately willing her to have the answer.

And suddenly, thankfully, she does.

"Babe," she says, taking one hand off Kara's back to beckon her girlfriend over.

Maggie obliges and suddenly finds Alex's hand fumbling to find the back right pocket of her jeans. Alex's fingers find the cold metal they're searching for and clasp around it.

She tosses the pair of regular handcuffs to J'onn who reacts quickly to catch them.

"These alone won't hold her," J'onn says, looking at the cuffs in his hands.

"I know," Alex replies. "And that's why we're gonna need some red sun lamps."

Maggie senses that Alex wants to be the one to get the lamps because she wants to fix everything herself, like she always does. "C'mere, Little Danvers," she says delicately, holding out her hand to the hero.

Kara takes it, grips it tightly and the pair watch as Alex disappears from the med bay in search of the red lamps.

/

"She's stable," Doctor Hamilton declares, passing her tablet to Doctor Peyton.

There's a collective sigh of relief from everyone in the room.

"Will she wake up?" Kara asks quietly, afraid of getting the wrong answer.

"I'm very hopeful," Hamilton declares. "Although I can't say how long it will be before she does, or whether the Red Kryptonite will still be in control."

Kara feels her heart sink.

"I suspect that her human cells are fighting the synthetic Kryptonite and that her internal power struggle is what caused her to collapse, but we'll have to run more tests to be sure."

Kara inhales deeply and thanks the doctor, who then leaves the room.

The Kryptonian slumps into a chair next to Lena's bed, her body completely exhausted. Being close to the Kryptonite earlier and now the red sun lamps doesn't help matters.

"Kara," Alex says quietly. "I really need to see to your face."

Kara shakes her head. "It can wait." She suddenly frowns. "Wait, what happened to Lillian?"

Alex and Maggie glance at each other before Alex answers.

"She flung herself off the side of the building."

Kara's eyes almost pop out of her head.

"And let's just say that while she certainly didn't fly, she did fall with style," Maggie finishes.

Kara's shocked expression changes and her crinkle sets itself between her eyebrows.

"She had wings, Kara," Alex adds. "She got away, I'm really sorry."

Kara nods her understanding before turning her attention back to Lena. "Would you guys mind, uh, giving me a minute alone with Lena?"

Alex nods. "Okay, sure. Uh, Winn has ordered potstickers so come find us when you're ready."

"I will," Kara says, but she and Alex know that there is no chance that Kara will leave Lena's side.

Alex presses as kiss into Kara's hair as she, Maggie and J'onn filter out of the room.

Kara looks over at Lena.

She takes in the paleness of her skin, the way that her hair is simply pulled back out of her face, her stillness as she lies there, her laugh not reverberating off the walls and her smile not lighting up the room.

But her heart is still beating, and to Kara, that is a small victory.

Kara leans forward in her seat and slips her hand into Lena's. It's cold to touch, as it often is, and Kara has always loved that she gets to be the one to warm it.

She runs her fingers across her palm, noting every little crease and crinkle before turning her hand over and studying her nails, taking in the shiny bold red that Kara had painted them at the cabin.

_Oh, the irony._

That feels like a lifetime ago to Kara, sipping hot chocolate around the campfire and laughing and joking and talking.

Kara wishes Lena could talk to her right now, tell her that she's okay, that everything will be okay.

Instead, Kara holds Lena's soft hand in hers, clutching it tightly like she'll never let go.

She doesn't care that the red lamps are dimming her powers, because without Lena she feels powerless anyway.

She rests her head against the bed as she begins to weep again, her shoulders shaking with each breath.

Her mind barely registers the little twitch of the hand that is enveloped by hers.

Until it happens again.

Kara immediately snaps her head up from the bed, sees Lena's hand jerk.

The Kryptonian feels adrenaline, apprehension, hope, flooding her body.

But then Lena stills and Kara can't stop her lip from quivering as she sighs dejectedly.

"I'm here for you, Lena," she whispers, hoping that Lena, the real Lena, can hear her. "I'll be here every second until you wake up."

She momentarily holds her head in her free hand and looks at the ground as if to steady herself and regain her composure before her attention flits back up to Lena.

She almost flinches in shock.

Two beautiful green eyes stare back at her with such intensity that Kara is almost worried that heat vision will shoot from them.

But, despite the strength of her stare, Lena's face is emotionless, like she's trying to determine who and where she is and what to make of Kara.

"Oh my Rao, Lena! You're awake!" Kara exclaims, practically jumping from her chair. In her relief, she begins to ramble. "I was so worried, I thought I'd lost you! I'm so sorry, Lena. I'm sorry for all of this, for leaving you and not finding you and not stopping Lillian from hurting you, but most of all, I'm so sorry I didn't tell you the truth and even if you never want to talk to me or see me again, which I would completely understand, please always know how much I've been changed by you for the better, how much you'll always mean to me and how much I love you-"

_"I should have killed you when I had the chance."_

Completely taken aback, Kara looks into Lena's eyes and sees the venom and the fire that consumes them. "Lena?"

"I showed weakness by letting you go, but let me assure you that that will never happen again," Lena spits.

Kara feels Lena let go of her hand.

"You are a liar, Kara. _Everything_ about you is a lie. No one is that bubbly and sunny and naïve. A part of me has always known that there had to be something more to you and now my mother has helped me to see what I should have seen a long time ago. I was too weak to admit to myself that you were Supergirl, but I will not allow you to blind me anymore."

"Lena, you know that I would never do anything to hurt you-"

"I don't know you. It seems I've never known you. And I don't want to know you. You apologised for allowing my mother to hurt me, but the only person who has hurt me is you. Except I don't feel any pain, I'm no longer weak because I am stronger than you."

Reeling, Kara takes a small step away from Lena's bed.

"Loving you was a mistake, if I ever loved you at all. My mother always told me that the more people you love, the weaker you are. That's why I isolated myself all those years, that's why I should never have let you in. I hate you, Kara, and _no one_ will ever love you as you are."

Lena's stare hardens as she launches into her next verbal attack.

"I think Alex resents you for being the reason Jeremiah was taken. I bet Maggie resents you for being the reason that Alex puts her life on the line every day. Winn pretends that everything is fine but he can't look at you the same because you could never love him back. Even Cat Grant upped and left."

Kara's brain whirs as she tries to make sense of Lena's words.

"Don't you see that _you're_ the problem? You may fly around in your stupid little cape saving people, but at what detriment? You do more bad than good because, in the end, you let everyone down, especially those you call your family. The great House of El has already ruined my family, and now it's ruining yours. They don't need you, Kara. _I_ don't need you. Each of us was fine until you came along. The city was doing just fine."

Kara can't stop her tears from sliding silently down her cheeks and Lena sneers as she lands one last blow that slices through Kara's heart like a glowing Kryptonite sword.

"Without you, the world is a better place."


	7. Don't Leave Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A quick language warning and an apology.

Alex hovers in the doorway upon hearing voices in the med bay.

She doesn't want to interrupt Kara and Lena's conversation but wants to make sure that Kara eats some potstickers, so she holds back. She genuinely isn't trying to listen in to their exchange, doesn't want to impose on their private moment, but she can't help but hear as Lena's voice gets louder and angrier and her words become more poisonous.

"Without you, the world is a better place."

Alex almost physically flinches at Lena's closing attack. It hurts her to hear those words being hissed at her sister, so she can't imagine how Kara herself must feel right now, especially because they couldn't be further from the truth.

She has to get Kara out of there.

Kara will know that it's the Red K talking, that Lena doesn't really mean these things.

But she also knows from experience that she must have thought them in the first place for them to be able to bubble to the surface now.

Alex takes a few purposeful steps towards the med bay but is almost bundled over by a sobbing Kara as she tries to escape Lena and her vile insults.

"Kara, hey," Alex says softly, putting her hands on her sister's shoulders to stop her from disappearing, to let her know that she's here, that she wants to help. "Come on," she whispers gently, pulling Kara in for a hug.

Kara wails into Alex's shoulder, her head buried under a mass of blonde hair. Alex can feel the tears soaking through her shirt, the shaking of Kara's body as she cries, the way that her diaphragm heaves with every struggled breath that turns into a strangled sob in her throat.

Alex can't stop her own tears from silently falling down her cheeks.

She hates seeing Kara like this, so for her to bawl uncontrollably for the second time in two days makes her feel helpless, like she's failing her.

And she can't fail her, not now.

Not ever.

"C'mon, sweetie," she says quietly, desperate to get Kara as far away from Lena as possible so that she can calm her down.

Alex guides her through the main room. She very much wishes that there was another way to her office that meant fewer prying eyes and not having to pass their friends, but there isn't.

Maggie, J'onn and Winn all look over to Alex and Kara as they shuffle slowly through the room, Kara's face still buried into her sister's shoulder. Each of their faces change to worry when they see the state that Kara – the Girl of Steel – is in, but Alex waves them away, gestures for them to give her and Kara a few minutes.

Alex quietly closes her office door behind her and carefully lowers her and Kara onto the comfy couch at the back.

Kara, who is still weeping uncontrollably, shifts her head from Alex's shoulder and onto her lap.

That's bad.

That's really bad.

It's something Kara always did when she first arrived on Earth, when she cried for her parents and her lost planet, whenever she was distraught.

It made her feel safe, helped her to know that someone was there for her, that they couldn't leave her and no one could take them away because she had a firm hold on them. It helped to bring her back to reality, to ground her.

Alex hasn't comforted her like this for a long time.

And it still never gets any easier.

Her worry mounting more with every passing second, she gently runs a hand through Kara's soft hair, plays with it in an effort to soothe the distressed Kryptonian, her other rubbing little circles across the top of her back.

Neither woman speaks.

Kara couldn't, even if she wanted to, because her breaths still catch in her throat and her brain can't formulate the words and the overwhelming ache in her heart is already more than she can handle.

Alex knows that Kara needs silent reassurance. She knows that her sister will talk when she's ready, but right now all Kara needs is to feel close to someone, to feel safe and loved.

Because the woman she loves isn't herself right now, but no matter what she says, there's no doubt in Alex's mind that Lena loves Kara.

Alex hopes that Kara also knows that it's true, but Alex understands what it's like to be on the receiving end of a Red K verbal onslaught, so she can empathise completely with how Kara is feeling.

They sit in silence for a little over twenty minutes until Kara's sobs become soft whimpers, until her breathing regulates and she finally feels like she can let go of the fistful of the hem of Alex's shirt that she's been tightly clinging onto.

Alex has been gathering her thoughts for the last ten minutes, ready to tell Kara what she wants to hear, what she needs to hear.

"Lena loves you, Kara," Alex whispers, still running her fingers through blonde waves. "She always will. The way she looks at you, the way her face lights up every time you walk into a room… You're her world, and none of us would be better off without you."

Alex's words settle between them and it's almost a minute before Kara trusts herself to respond without breaking down again.

"B-but a part of h-her must f-feel the things she said," she manages between unsteady breaths, squeezing her eyes shut to stop fresh tears from welling up in them.

"Yeah, I guess," Alex admits. "But the real Lena would never react that way, no matter how upset she was. Lillian has corrupted her, filled her head with hatred for you and Supergirl, told her your secret… She probably did it after she was exposed to the Red Kryptonite, which can only make it worse. But no matter what the Red K or Lillian is telling her to say, I know that there is a part of the real Lena that's still in there, still fighting her way back to you. I saw her on the rooftop just like you did. We can get her back. I will find a way to bring her back." Alex takes a long, deep breath as she finds that the whole situation is overwhelming her too. She has to stay strong for Kara and Lena, has to have a clear mind and stay level-headed to be able to give the young CEO the best chance of coming out of this on the other side.

"How?" Kara asks quietly with a sniffle.

"I have an idea that I'm going to run by Doctor Hamilton," Alex says. "It should solve the Red K problem at least."

Kara feels a little wave of relief wash over her, but it's quickly overcome by the same sense of dread that has being weighing her down for the last forty-eight hours.

"Alex?"

"Yeah, sweetie?"

"What if, when all this is o-over… What if she _does_ still h-hate me or doesn't want me anymore?" Kara mutters into Alex's stomach.

Alex feels her heart sink down to her toes because her sister's voice is tiny and frightened and as much as Alex can do her best to flush the Red K out of Lena's system and somehow remove Kara's DNA from Lena's body, she can't make Lena love Kara.

But she can give her sister an honest answer.

"Then that's Lena's problem, because she knows how much you love her. Look at it this way; if she's this upset under the Red K, it shows how much she cares, that there's a part of her that's still her. No one gets that torn up about anything unless they care. It'll take some time but you'll get through it and come out stronger on the other side. We've been through this and look at us; we're stronger than ever. I think you should save some of that hope that you give so freely to others for yourself."

Kara slowly sits up and lets out a long, heavy sigh. "I know you're right, but I'm not just scared of what this means for us. I'm terrified that she'll never be Lena again. I'd rather her get to be Lena who doesn't love me and lives a normal life than be whoever the hell that is in there. I just don't want her to feel hurt and anger and pain." Kara's voice drops to barely a whisper. "I need her to be okay."

Alex takes Kara's hands and gives them a reassuring squeeze. "I don't think Lena would want to be Lena without you. She could be back to herself, completely healthy with her life ahead of her, but she'd never be whole without you."

Kara's big blue shimmering eyes find Alex's before she wraps her sister in the biggest hug she can without crushing her.

"Thank you, Alex," Kara whispers into the quiet room, clinging onto Alex. "For always knowing what to do and say to make everything better. Thank you for making us stronger together."

/

Kara sits on a stool in the lab and watches as Alex works on the cure for Red Kryptonite.

She sees the focus and determination in her expression as she meticulously follows Maxwell Lord's notes from when he created it, carefully measuring formulas and mixing different substances together.

Alex had discussed the cure with Doctor Hamilton who agreed that it should work on the Kryptonian cells in Lena's body.

Whether it would affect Lena's human cells, no one knew or could predict.

But as far as anyone could tell, it was the best chance they had of bringing Lena back.

The question as to how Cadmus came to discover the way to create Red Kryptonite flashes across Kara's mind, not for the first time, but she decides that it can wait until she gets her hands on Lillian.

"How we doing in here?" Maggie asks, leaning against the doorframe. She takes in Kara's puffy red eyes that still aren't completely dry, the way that she's slumped against the counter next to her, the way that her girlfriend is hunched over a high counter as she works away.

"Okay," Alex mutters, glancing at Maggie before tipping in the last ingredient and putting a lid on each of the vials she has created. "We're all done."

"What is that?" Maggie asks, moving to stand beside her girlfriend and picking up one of the glass tubes.

"This is going to fight the Red Kryptonite in Lena's body," Alex says as she loads the vials into a secure padded aluminium case. "But I don't think it'll be safe to give her the full dosage all at once like we did with you," she adds, turning to look at her little sister.

"Because of her human cells?" Kara asks, sitting up a little straighter.

"Exactly," Alex replies, snapping the case closed. "I don't want to risk damaging them by overloading her system, so I think, and Doctor Hamilton agreed, that one vial should be administered every two hours for the next twelve hours. That should be enough to flush it out of her body."

Kara looks over to Maggie. "How's Lena?"

The detective hops up onto a stool next to Kara. "She's okay, Little Danvers. As okay as can be expected. She hasn't blacked out again." She places a reassuring hand on Kara's arm before pulling her in for a cuddle. "But she did pass comment on my height."

Alex casts a sideways glance at her girlfriend and her lips turn up into the tiniest of smiles at her attempt to reduce the heaviness in the air. "No word on Lillian?" she asks, and Maggie shakes her head despondently in response.

"Then I guess we'd better give Lena her first shot," Alex says, and Maggie loops her arm through Kara's as they follow Alex to the med bay.

/

They knew it wouldn't be easy.

They knew that Lena would do her best to put up a fight, but each time she was becoming increasingly angry despite the Red K being slowly removed from her body, and she was fighting hard against her restraints.

The handcuffs, which she now has over both wrists because she kept trying to rip out all the wires that were monitoring her, rattle piercingly against the metal side of the bed as Alex gets closer with the penultimate vial.

The harsh noise ricochets around the room and sets everyone on edge.

Alex has managed only an hour of sleep here and there. The second time she'd tried, Maggie had snuggled next to her, held her close and comforted her until she drifted into unconsciousness only to be abruptly yanked from it half an hour later when Lena had started shouting at Winn as he walked past the med bay.

The thing troubling Alex the most, though, is that she wanted to be the one to give Lena the cure.

She didn't want anyone else to be the one to blame if it all goes wrong, because it was her idea.

And that comes with a lot of pressure and responsibility.

Alex also knows for a fact – and worries – that Kara hasn't slept a wink since they were called out to the 'emergency' in the city despite Alex practically begging her to.

Everyone is running on adrenaline and coffee and potstickers, even Winn, who is spending every second scouring every inch of the city and beyond for Lillian, desperately hoping not to run into Lena again until she's cured.

"Ready?" Alex asks J'onn and Hamilton, who nod and pin Lena to the bed to ensure that she can't move her arm as Alex inserts the needle.

Kara watches, as she has done the other four times, silent tears slipping down her cheeks.

On each occasion, Maggie has stood by her side, comforted her as Lena's body writhed and twitched as a little bit of the poison visibly left her system.

Again, the detective slips her hand into Kara's and gives it a gentle reassuring squeeze as Lena cries out something unintelligible in anger and frustration.

Kara looks at Maggie, her lip quivering and the smaller woman wraps an arm around her, holding her tight like she knows Alex would.

Kara sighs in relief as Lena's body stills and her breathing returns to normal with J'onn and Hamilton releasing their grips on her.

But her relief doesn't last long.

"Fuck you, Kara," Lena hisses, her green eyes fixing onto Kara's blue ones with a stare that could break steel. "Fuck you all."

Kara has to keep telling herself that it's not Lena saying these things. This is by far her mildest outburst, which is a good sign, but it still gets under her skin.

"This is for your own good, Ms Luthor," J'onn adds, and everyone knows that he's reading Lena's thoughts like they'd agreed to see whether they're getting any closer to bringing her back. He's standing behind Lena so she doesn't see the tiny nod he gives to show that the cure seems to be slowly working.

"This is what's best for you," Kara says, edging a little close to Lena's bed.

" _I_ decide what's best for me," Lena growls. "Not you. Especially not _you_."

Everyone sees the flicker of hurt as it flashes across Kara's tired face because Lena's last comment is directed at her.

"That's enough," Alex commands. "You have one dose left. I'll be back in two hours to give it to you."

"Whatever," Lena mutters.

Alex gives her a hard stare but she too knows that Lena isn't deliberately trying to be awkward. She stands beside her sister and her girlfriend and draws them into a long hug, one that feels very needed by them all.

"We're almost there, Kara," Alex mutters into her sister's hair as she plants a kiss on both her and Maggie's foreheads. "Just a couple more hours."

But it's then that everything changes.

"What's happening?" Kara cries, rushing over to Lena as the monitor begins to bleep at a hundred miles an hour.

Alex and Doctor Hamilton react immediately but are powerless to do much at first.

Lena's entire body convulses, writhes as she thrashes involuntarily against the mattress. Her arms try to flail but are held down by the handcuffs, and the red sun lamps hinder her from breaking free. Her eyes have rolled back in her head, the emerald green replaced by ghostly white and she struggles for breath, each intake short and sharp and not enough.

"Get her back!" Alex shouts, and it takes both Maggie and J'onn to tear Kara away from Lena's bedside as Alex rips her stethoscope from around her neck. "And get those cuffs off of her!"

J'onn briefly hesitates but knows that they doesn't have a choice. He uses his strength to rip the cuffs from the bed frame but holds Lena's arms still, as directed by Doctor Hamilton.

"She's tachycardic," Alex declares.

She rattles off a list of things to for Doctor Hamilton to grab that should help Lena, but Kara doesn't hear anything over the rapid thump thump thump of Lena's heart as it battles against the rest of her struggling body.

Kara stands motionless amongst the madness, her eyes seeing the scene unfolding in front of her but her mind unable to digest it.

She sees Lena's body fighting J'onn's restraint, fighting itself, fighting for air.

She sees Alex doing everything she can to help her.

She sees the green line on the heart rate monitor zig-zagging like a seismometer during a violent earthquake.

She sees Maggie standing in front of her, trying to hold her attention so that she doesn't have to witness these horrendous things.

But even when she looks at the detective, it doesn't stop Kara from seeing her world crumbling around her.

The frantic beeping of the machine suddenly turns into a long high-pitched shriek that rings violently through Kara's hypersensitive ears and echoes through her brain.

But it is the silence that carries with it, the unmistakable silence that only she can hear, the only silence that can never be broken, that shatters her fragile heart into a million tiny irreparable pieces.

Because that silence only means one thing.

She's dead.

Lena Luthor is dead.


	8. The L-Word

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to warn you that this chapter is very dark and upsetting.

 

 

 

Kara feels like she's having an out-of-body experience.

She can't process what's happening in front of her anywhere near as fast as it's happening.

It's all too much.

The shriek of the heart monitor and the contrasting silence of Lena's heart.

The horrid sound that comes from Lena's chest as Alex compresses it as she fights, fights, fights to revive her.

The squeak of the defibrillator as it charges and the thud of Lena's limp body as it bangs violently against the bed.

The pounding in her own head that clouds her brain and worsens with every second that passes.

The stillness of the strikingly beautiful woman whom she has come to love more than anything else in the universe.

"Agent Danvers," someone, Kara thinks J'onn, says. His voice is solemn and he places a hand on Alex's shoulder as she continues compressions.

Everybody knows what that means. No one wants to admit it. No one wants to believe what it implies.

She can't be dead. It's not possible, so Alex doesn't stop trying to make sure that she's not.

"Agent Danvers," J'onn tries again.

"No."

Kara watches through blurred eyes as Alex shrugs off J'onn and begins to press harder against Lena's chest. She feels the arm that Maggie has wrapped around her waist tighten and without knowing it, Kara squeezes Maggie's hand, almost too tight.

The detective doesn't have it in her to say anything. She's not sure that she even could if she tried. Her throat feels like it burns as she tries to fight the tears that are already slipping down her cheeks and her breaths are short and shallow.

J'onn looks around the med bay at the faces of the four people who mean more to him than anyone else on Earth.

He sees the determination set in Alex's jaw as she wills Lena's heart to work.

He sees the shock mingled with slight pain in Maggie's as she holds Kara, gripping onto her as if to support herself almost as much as the Kryptonian.

He sees the disbelief, the fear, the despair in Kara's half-glazed eyes as they stare at her sister and her girlfriend, the two people whom she would do anything to protect and save.

Finally, despite the tension and the panic and the dread that has overcome everyone in the room, he sees Lena's tranquillity. Her body only moves because Alex's powerful compressions force it to. Her eyes have fallen closed and the rosy colour in her cheeks has long gone. He feels her mind slip away and that's when he knows that Alex's desperate attempts to save her are futile.

"Alex," J'onn says, his voice a little more firm but still gentle. "You have to call it."

Alex doesn't want to call it. She doesn't want to be the one to pronounce her sister's girlfriend dead.

She can't be dead, she just can't be. She was fine fifteen minutes ago. Sure, she was under the influence of some particularly evil Red Kryptonite and had verbally abused pretty much everyone in the building but she was alive and seemingly getting better. That was a thousand times better than what they're facing now.

Alex knows she's failed. She's failed Lena, she's failed Kara, she's failed herself.

And now she's going to break her sister's heart.

She looks over at Kara through glistening eyes, through her hair that has fallen free from her ear. She notices the death grip that Kara has on Maggie's hand, the way that she's using it to steady herself. She can see the way that her legs threaten to buckle beneath her. She can see her bottom lip trembling as her crinkle creases across her forehead.

It kills Alex to see Kara like this, but the thing that crushes Alex's soul in its entirety is having to witness the terrified face of the little girl who arrived almost fourteen years ago and had just lost her entire world because it's happening all over again.

"I'm sorry." Alex's voice is barely a whisper. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

She's sorry to Lena for getting it wrong, for not bringing her back, for not saving her.

She's sorry to Kara for letting her down, for failing to protect her from hurt and pain like she always promised she would.

She's sorry that the world has lost an incredible mind, an incredible person who only ever worked to change it for the better.

Alex looks away from Kara as she stops giving compressions. She takes a small step away from Lena's med bed, almost bumping into J'onn who places his hands on her shoulders to steady her.

She takes a long deep breath, which seems so wrong when Lena can't, before glancing at her watch. She can't bring herself to look up at she speaks so she keeps her steely gaze averted to the ground. The words crack and catch in her throat and they devastate every person in the room as her wavering voice trembles through the heavy air.

"Time of death, 04:22."

/

Lena Luthor was nothing like her poisonous family, but she still couldn't get away from her name. In the end, that was what killed her.

She tried every day to make the world a better place, to create technology that could save lives, to put her immense knowledge, power and wealth to the most important and unselfish uses.

She fought even harder to prove that a Luthor could be good, that not all Luthors were warped mass murderers with an anti-alien agenda.

She helped to stop alien invasions and save National City and the world, but for the right reasons. She openly dismissed Cadmus and their sick beliefs and twisted methods.

She even turned in her own mother to the cops. Twice.

But in the end, no matter how much distance she put between herself and her family - which could never be enough for her - it still caught up with her and ultimately cost her her life.

It didn't seem fair that she should die when she seemingly had so much life ahead of her. Regardless of all the incredible things she achieved in her short time on Earth, there was so much she didn't get to do, like truly change people's perception of her or learn a new language or see the Northern Lights or climb Mount Everest or cure cancer. She never moved in with Kara or proposed to her as they shared a picnic in the summer sun beside the Eiffel Tower or held her close as they slow-danced at their wedding or shared their first anniversary dinner on the canals of Venice or had the family she knew they both wanted or got to grow old with the woman she loved.

Despite all of those things, there's only one thing that Kara wants and that's to tell Lena that she loves her more than all the stars in the sky.

But Lena will never hear those words again.

She'll never see Kara's face light up when she walks into a room, she'll never hear the sweet giggles that used to make her insides turn to mush.

Kara will never see those beautiful green eyes staring deep into her soul or feel Lena's comforting body heat beside her as they snuggle together in bed.

She'll never hear her heart beat again.

"Kara!"

Alex's cry doesn't do much to snap Kara from her haze. Her eyes are completely vacant, staring straight ahead and somewhere in her mind she registers that she's sitting on the floor, though she doesn't know how she got there and she can't focus her mind enough to even think about caring. She feels Maggie's hand on her shoulder as the detective crouches beside her, but something inside Kara finally snaps when Alex sits next to her.

A sudden loud strangled sob escapes Kara's lips. It cuts through the air like a knife. There's the tiniest of silences as she tries to inhale but her lungs scream, her brain screams, her heart screams and the silence turns to wailing.

Alex pulls Kara's head to her chest, wraps one arm around her shaking body and gently runs her free hand through soft blonde curls. Alex rests her cheek atop her sister's head and periodically plants long, comforting kisses into her hair. She moves her hand from Kara's hair to rub it up and down her back before wrapping it around her and squeezing her as tightly as her human body will allow. She doesn't know whether Kara recognises any of it but it doesn't matter because it's all Alex can do to comfort her little sister and make her feel like she's not entirely useless.

Kara wails, tears pouring freely from her scrunched eyes. Her whole body judders with each sharp but shallow inhalation and as she grabs Alex's arm and shirt, she's scared of ever letting go in case something happens to her too because the people she loves the most always end up leaving her.

Maybe Lena would have been safer if Kara had never loved her at all.

Alex holds Kara tighter and tighter before beginning to slowly sway slightly from side to side and shush quietly into Kara's hair. Maggie kneels beside them and wraps her arms around both of them and she can sense immediately that Alex is crying properly now too. She knows that she'll be blaming herself and that she needs to show her that it's not her fault, but for now all her girls need is to be held and comforted and loved, so that's what Maggie does. She can't help the tears that slip silently down her cheeks as she mourns the loss of Lena and cries over the pain that her Danvers girls are feeling, because she feels it too.

J'onn has watched this entire exchange from Lena's bedside. The room seems so much quieter without Lena's extraordinary mind buzzing in it. Hers and Alex's were always especially loud because of their immense knowledge the fact that they were always alert and switched on to everything, their minds constantly ticking, ticking, ticking.

He can't help but feel the grief of losing another daughter. Of course they weren't bonded by blood, but she was just as much his daughter as Kara and Alex and Maggie so he feels the pain of the loss just like he does when any of them get hurt or are in serious danger. As his papa bear instincts kick in, he finds himself on the floor beside them, holding all three of them in his tight embrace. He can sense their desolation and shock through the silence of their thoughts.

The four of them remain huddled on the floor for so long that no one knows how much time has passed.

No one cares because time is an irrelevance.

Despite the commotion radiating through the DEO as agents work to find Lillian and respond to other calls across the city, no one cares because for Kara time has stopped and for Lena it will never start again.

Kara cries until there's nothing left inside her. She sobs and sobs and sobs until there's nothing but a widening void of emptiness that threatens to drag her into its dark depths. She hasn't felt this lost since she first arrived on Earth.

She tries to draw comfort from Alex and Maggie and J'onn but there's nothing anyone in the world, in the multiverse could do to make her feel better right now.

Becoming Kara Danvers was a huge moment in the Kryptonian's life. It gave her the chance to live and love and restore some normalcy to her life despite her tragic past. It gave her a family and a home and a sense of belonging. It gave her the best sister anyone could ever ask for, and for that – and to Alex – she will always be indescribably grateful.

Becoming Supergirl gave her purpose. She had always wanted to be more than Cat Grant's assistant or a waitress as Noonan's. She wasn't able to look after her cousin but that didn't mean that she couldn't stop trying to help others and protect the city. Her cape and the positive impact of her house sigil gave her a new direction, another focus in her life.

But being with Lena… Lena gave Kara's life meaning. Lena taught her how to love with her whole heart, how to trust someone with her deepest secrets, how to let someone in during her darkest moments to tell her that everything would be okay. She showed her that it's okay not to be okay all the time, that sometimes it's hard to escape your past but that now is what matters.

Kara was going to tell her the truth, but she wasn't quick enough. No, she was far too slow. Lena had taught her all these things and Kara might as well have thrown them right back in her face.

A simmering anger begins to build in Kara's trembling body. Her sobs stop and are replaced by gritted teeth and a clenched jaw. She squeezes her eyes closed and her grip on the bottom of Alex's shirt tightens.

"Kara?"

Alex immediately senses the change in Kara's demeanour. She can feel her body tensing in her arms and she glances at Maggie and J'onn. From the looks on their faces, they're thinking the same thing.

"Kara?"

The Kryptonian suddenly releases her hold on Alex's shirt and struggles to get free from the caring embrace of her family. Her sudden movements shock them all. She shrugs them off and stumbles to stand, her legs unsteady beneath her.

For a moment, Kara hesitates. She sees Lena's pale body lying on he med bed and a fresh pool of tears springs to her eyes.

And then she can't look anymore.

She tears from the room, leaving a confused Alex, Maggie and J'onn scrambling to get up after her.

"Kara!"

Kara doesn't respond to Alex's calls. She powers down the hallway, ignoring the glances other agents send her way. She quickens her pace as she enters the main control room. It seems particularly busy and is buzzing with voices that overload Kara's sensitive hearing.

Upon seeing the Girl of Steel hounding through the room, the voices begin to quieten until they're nothing more than hushed whispers, especially when they see Alex, Maggie and J'onn following her.

_What's up with her?_

_Has she been crying?_

_Does that mean Luthor is dead?_

_Maybe it's for the best._

Kara halts. The anger she already feels doubles and as she balls her fists, she sees the agent responsible for that last comment freeze.

"Kara!" Winn shouts from across the room. He had been completely oblivious to the change in atmosphere because he was so focused on his work, which seems to have paid off. "Wait up, you guys!" He scuttles from his chair as he follows Kara and her entourage, trusty tablet in hand.

Kara takes a deep breath to try to calm some of her anger, deciding to ignore the inconsiderate agent; he's not worth it. She finds her stride once more as she makes her way up the stairs towards the balcony.

"Kara!" Alex shouts again. Her heart thunders in her chest because no matter how fit she is, it's really hard to keep up with a Kryptonian on a rampage, but it bothers her more that she doesn't know what has prompted this sudden change in her sister's behaviour and there seems that there is little she can do to stop it. "Kara, please!"

"Kara, sweetie, please talk to us!" Maggie tries, but Kara doesn't stop.

Winn catches up with Alex, Maggie and J'onn. "Wh-what's going on?"

Alex keeps all her attention focused on trying to get Kara to stop, but a single look from Maggie tells Winn all he needs to know.

"Oh my God," he mutters quietly, his eyes widening in shock.

"As you were," J'onn bellows to the room, throwing one of his best glares at anyone who doesn't move immediately. Their thoughts were being far too noisy and intrusive to Kara's situation and they have jobs to do.

Alex throws a desperate look at Maggie. The detective slips her hand into her girlfriend's and gives it a tight squeeze, though it does nothing to reassure either of them.

Alex, Maggie, J'onn and Winn stand at the bottom of the stairs and watch as Kara makes it onto the balcony, looks up to the sky, pushes off from the ground and is quickly absorbed into the night.

"Where's she going?" Winn asks quietly, picking at the corner of the tablet in his hands.

Alex throws her hands up in the air. "I d-don't know," she gulps, bringing a hand to cover her eyes as she begins to cry.

"Oh, baby," Maggie coos, instantly wrapping her arms around Alex's shoulders.

There had been a time where Alex blatantly refused to cry at work because she didn't want people to know that she could. She had a tough front to maintain. Now, though, none of that matters.

Maggie can feel the sobs as they shake Alex's frame. "Hey, shhh," she whispers, planting a gentle kiss into her wavy hair. "C'mon, baby." With an arm wrapped over Alex's shoulders and the other holding the arm that covers her face, Maggie guides Alex towards her office, whispering quiet words of reassurance into her ear.

J'onn makes to follow, to be there for Alex like he was Kara but Winn stops him.

"Sir," he says, watching as Maggie closes Alex's office door behind them. "I know there's a lot going on right now but I think you'll want to see this."

J'onn puts his hands on his hips as he studies the tablet that Winn thrusts under his nose.

"It's her," Winn says as the CCTV footage he's playing shows a woman stepping out of an SUV and heading into a warehouse outside the city. "We've found Lillian Luthor."

/

The cold sting of the night air bites at Kara's cheeks.

She's hovering far above the city, high enough that it would be difficult for anyone to spot her without knowing that she's there, especially amidst the torrential rain that batters her as it falls from the rumbling clouds.

Kara hates thunderstorms. They serve as a constant reminder of everything she's lost, of her parents and her dead planet and being adrift in space.

Now they'll permanently be tied to losing Lena.

Every time there's a storm, she'll be forced to re-live the most painful part of her childhood and witness, in her mind, the death of the woman she loves over and over again. She'll never be able to escape it.

Whenever she felt scared, Lena was always there to hold her, even if she didn't know the real reason behind Kara's astraphobia.

Lena isn't here to comfort her this time, nor will she ever be again and that thought terrifies Kara more than any storm ever could.

Being so close to the clouds, the thunder booms in Kara's ears but she doesn't flinch. Even through her closed eyes she can see the flash of the lightning that forks through the dark sky. She tilts her head backwards to feel the full force of nature's brutality, to let the rain splatter against her face, run across the parts of her skin that are exposed and soak through her suit. The wind whips through her sopping blonde hair, rattles her cape and chills her to her core.

She knows that she shouldn't be able to feel the cold. That means that her powers are somewhat depleted.

And she's tired, so, so tired.

Tired from the crying and the emptiness and the never-ending rollercoaster of the last few days. Tired of always feeling scared that everyone will leave her, even if they don't mean to.

She begins to tear through the air once more, ignoring the hounding of the rain and the flashing threat overhead.

She just wants to feel anything other than the ache and the pain and the hurt that is lacing itself further and further through her entire being.

For the first time in a long time, she feels weak.

Lena had been her strength and her light and her fight so without her she is broken and this time it won't be as easy to pick up the millions of tiny pieces to put her back together again.

The first time Kara's world imploded, Alex had done a pretty damn good job of helping her to heal and feel loved and not alone, and she still does, but some of those pieces could still never be found because they were scattered across the universe, separated by hundreds of thousands of light-years and spread out amongst the stars.

This time, all of those pieces are lying together in a single bed in a cold medical wing on the other side of the city but it doesn't mean that they're going to be any easier to repair because the reason for her breaking in the first place is exactly the same.

As the jagged streaks of white lightning continue to cut violently through the sky, Kara flies so fast towards the DEO that she leaves a sonic boom tearing through the air in her wake.

Normally she's careful of breaking the sound barrier because it causes mass panic and confusion, but right now she doesn't care and the sound is partially absorbed by the deafening roar of the sky anyway.

Being out in the storm isn't curing or even suppressing any of the feelings that are jumbled and piling up inside her. She can still feel her anger fizzling away beneath the surface, burning deep into her fractured soul.

As she almost crash-lands on the slippy balcony at the DEO, there's only one place that Kara wants to go, to release the rage that is threatening to consume her. She's not ready to see Lena, her Lena, lying in that bed again, or to say goodbye, not yet, so as she steps inside and leaves long puddles of water splattering behind her, she walks purposefully in the other direction.

/

Maggie rocks Alex gently from side to side. The agent's face is pressed deep into the detective's shoulder as tears stain her shirt and soak into her skin. She presses kiss after kiss into her short hair and rubs soothing circles along the length of her back.

"I j-just want to make it all b-better," Alex mumbles into Maggie's shirt. "I couldn't save h-her. I s-should have saved her."

"Lexie, you did everything you could. No one understands human and Kryptonian DNA or Red Kryptonite like you do so if you couldn't help Lena, nobody could." Maggie speaks quietly and gently but never stops rubbing circles on Alex's back. "You tried and Kara knows that. If Lena could speak for herself, she'd say exactly the same thing. No one could or would ever blame you."

"I just don't u-understand why it d-didn't work. This should never have h-happened to Lena. We shouldn't have left her, we should have d-done more to find her, I should have done more to protect h-her, to protect both of them." Alex's voice is muffled. "And now Kara is gone too."

Maggie takes a deep breath and a moment before speaking again. She carefully pulls Alex away from her body and looks down into her favourite mahogany eyes. "Alex, listen to me. None of this is your fault and Kara will come back from this. She's one of the most resilient people I know, and it's not just because she's practically indestructible." Maggie softly caresses Alex's rosy cheeks and slowly thumbs away the tears that still slip down them.

"But what if _Kara_ is actually gone? I can't even begin to imagine how much my world would feel like it ended if I lost you and she's already lost everything once. She didn't deserve it the first time."

"It might feel like she's lost everything but she has so many people who love her, and yeah, none of us will ever be Lena but we can show her how loved she still is and always will be. You guys are constantly saying how much stronger you are together, so we'll be her strength until she can find it and builf for herself again. I promise you that things will get better."

Alex begins to nod, accepting Maggie's words. The detective places a quick kiss on her girlfriend's lips before brushing her hair out of her face. Alex's presses her forehead against Maggie's and they sit like that, eyes closed, breaths deep and steadying until the door flies open.

"We've got a location on Lillian," Winn declares, jumping out of the way of the door as it rebounds back at him.

Alex immediately snaps into agent mode, leaving a stunned Maggie on the couch. "Get a team together-"

"Babe, wait!" Maggie shoots out of the room to follow Alex. "Ally!"

"What is it with you guys and power walking today?" Winn mutters but no one hears him.

"We leave in five." Alex feels a hand on her shoulder.

"Not you, Alex," J'onn says firmly.

"But-"

J'onn waves his hand in the air to silence his best agent before placing it on his hips. "I think it's best you stay here, just this once. You've all had a lot to deal with."

"So have you! I'm coming with you." There's a steely determination to Alex's voice and Maggie picks up on the slight edge too. "I need to do this."

"What you _need_ is to take a minute. We've got a tactical plan in place but I need you to run things here."

"No-"

"Agent Danvers-"

"I'm co-"

"Stop arguing!" Maggie shouts at both of them. They stare at her, a little shocked. "You're giving Lillian exactly what she wants!" She can see Alex's frustration and completely understands why she feels that way but this is doing nothing to help them catch Lillian. "Alex, J'onn's right, you should stay here in case Kara comes back. She's gonna need you now more than ever."

Alex takes long, deep breaths to try to rein in her annoyance. Deep down she knows that J'onn is doing what's best for her, even if all she wants is to be the one to bring Lillian in, lock her in a cell and throw away the key. Most of all, she knows that Maggie is right. Alex needs to take a step back, compose herself and be there for her sister.

"Fine," Alex mutters. "But the second you bring her in here, I call dibs on her interrogation."

"You and Kara both," J'onn says, knowing that Maggie feels the same too.

"Uh, yeah, about Kara," Winn begins. He flinches a little under Alex's tough gaze as it turns to him. "She came in here about ten minutes ago."

"What? Why didn't you tell us?" Alex does her best to hold her tongue.

"I guess I thought she'd want her space," Winn responds quietly.

Alex's stare softens when she sees that Winn thought he was doing the right thing. "Where is she?" She asks a little more gently.

"I think she was heading towards the training room."

/

Concrete crumbles to the floor and sends plumes of dust billowing into the air.

Kara's clenched fist pummels a training pillar unrelentingly, sending cracks raging through the concrete. Each violent punch is accompanied by a cry of anger and frustration and sadness. Each superhuman thwack grumbles through the room and sends vibrations through the floor. Every tired connection doesn't make her feel any better and that only makes her blows harder.

She delivers a single brutal kick to the centre of what remains of the pillar and watches as it topples to the ground with an almighty thud.

Kara stares at it, her shoulders rising and falling significantly with every ragged breath through gritted teeth. Her hands stay closed and clench tighter and tighter until she can't hold it in anymore.

Heat vision surges from her eyes and rips through the pillar, splitting the little that remaines in half. A deep guttural roar builds in her throat and escapes from her lips as she pours every last ounce of energy into the searing power that pours from her eyes.

When the heat eventually dissipates and she has nothing left, Kara falls to her knees. She feels a pair of arms catch her from behind as she drops, preventing her from collapsing completely. Her heart skips a beat until she realises that it can't be Lena.

Alex lowers Kara into a sitting position, keeping an arm wrapped around her as she sits down next to her. They sit in total silence and Alex doesn't even begin to try to assess the damage that Kara has caused to the training room.

Kara doesn't cry anymore; her eyes are dry despite the rest of her still being sopping wet from the storm. She feels too numb to do anything except stare at the wall ahead of her.

Alex sees that Kara's hands remain tightly closed. She takes one in her own and holds it tight, although it only relaxes a little and not for long.

"Winn found Lillian," Alex announces gently after a few minutes of silence. She feels Kara's body tense next to hers. "J'onn's bringing her in."

Kara nods but doesn't say anything, because there's really nothing to say.

Eventually, she moves her head so that it rests on Alex's shoulder. Her damp hair soaks her sister's shirt but Alex barely even notices. Exhausted, they sit together, their minds running over everything that has happened over the last seventy-two hours or so.

Without her powers, the weight of everything feels like it sits even heavier on Kara's shoulders. She can feel fatigue washing over her muscles and weariness overcoming her mind. Before she can even contemplate allowing herself to sleep, though, there's one more thing she has to do.

"Take me to her…" Kara's voice is tiny and quiet and it almost gets lost in the large room. "Please."

Alex twists to look at her sister. "Are you sure?"

Kara nods against Alex's shoulder.

The agent responds by lacing her fingers between Kara's, squeezing them tightly and standing up from the floor. She pulls Kara to her feet and guides her towards the med bay to see Lena there for the last time.

/

Alex doesn't have the heart to tell her sister that they're going to have to move Lena soon.

She re-draws the curtain that separates the beds and gives them privacy from prying eyes before beginning to search through various cupboards in an attempt to source what she's looking for.

Kara's eyes briefly flit up to watch Alex as she moves around the room before returning them to Lena. Her face looks peaceful, like she's sleeping.

Kara had studied her features so many times whenever she couldn't sleep. She had memorised the arch of her eyebrows, the shape of her nose, the length of her eyelashes, the fullness of her lips and the strength of her sharp jaw line.

In the daytime, Kara's favourite thing was Lena's smile and the way that she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth when she was thinking or teased her with a single raised brow.

Kara slips her hand under Lena's and rubs her thumb softly over her knuckles. It's cold, especially against Kara's skin, which is still warm despite her blowing her powers. Lena was usually cold and Kara was always the one to warm her up.

Alex drags something behind Kara, pulling her from her thoughts. She hears the flick of a switch and a faint buzzing sound, even without her enhanced hearing. She feels warmth begin to seep over her body as Alex adjusts the yellow sun lamp so that its rays fall on her.

"I'll, uh, give you some time alone," Alex says, placing her hair behind her ear. "But I'm right here if you need me."

Kara nods her thanks and Alex slips through the curtain, ensuring that it's pulled across entirely.

She finds herself familiarising her mind with Lena's features one last time and despite the length of time that Kara has been holding her hand, this time it doesn't get any warmer.

Kara is suddenly overcome with a million things that she wants to say to Lena, that she wishes she had told her when she had the chance.

"I'm sorry, Lena," she says, fighting to keep her voice steady. "I'm sorry for everything. I know that I'll never be able to make it up to you but I promise to remember you and think of you every day, to honour you in everything I do. I'll cherish every memory forever in my heart because no one will ever come close to you."

Kara sniffles. She shifts her chair forward and sees the contrast of Lena's pale skin against the golden light that fills the room before resting her head against the soft med bed. Her eyes begin to droop closed; she doesn't even realise it and she doesn't want to sleep yet, but she can't help it.

"I guess what I'm really trying to say, is thank you for being you, for loving me, for turning my life upside down and changing it for the better. I'll always, always love you, Lena Luthor."

Kara's eyes finally flutter closed and she's dragged into unconsciousness under the embrace of the sun lamp, Lena's delicate hand still resting in hers.


	9. She Has Something You Don't

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've not posted for a while, I took a break from writing but I'm back and hoping this chapter makes up for it! 
> 
> I've also had an idea for a Sanvers slow-burn AU that I've started working on so be sure to look out for it in the future!

It's cold.

She knows she shouldn't be able to feel it, but she can. It chills her to her bones. The sun offers no warmth because it's obscured behind thick, angry cloud, which threatens to unleash its fury at any given second. The wind whistles through the leafless trees that creak under its force, the crunchy mass below them swirling eerily.

She watches as Alex, J'onn, Sam, Winn and James and a couple of others carefully remove the coffin from the back of the car. Across the side, 'Lena' is spelled out in crisp white plumerias, the most perfect ones she thinks she's ever seen. She knows how they'd have looked in Lena's office, in that little vase on the coffee table, the vase that now sits filled with less beautiful flowers, all of condolence, so much unlike the time Lena had crammed as many as she could in her office to thank her for believing in her.

The coffin is expensive but simple; all mahogany with silver handles and an 'L' printed into the top, just over where her chest lies inside. It rests on each of their shoulders, their faces solemn as they walk slowly in step towards the church, its huge oak doors already open, waiting for Lena. She feels Maggie take her hand and allows herself to be guided, to follow the bearers.

The inside of the church offers little protection from the harsh cold of the day; it's just as grey and gloomy and suffocating. Maggie gestures to her seat and they sit down, the detective never letting go of her hand.

When Lena is placed at the centre of the front of the room, Alex materialises at her other side. Her face is pink from the cold and her eyes shimmer with tears that she tries not to shed. She links her arm through hers and grabs her other hand, squeezing it tightly.

She sees the small memorial booklet resting in her sister's lap. Lena's beautiful face smiles back at her. She herself had taken that picture last summer, had waited until Lena realised that she was pointing a camera at her because she knew that the candid result would be perfect. She looks away.

Almost as quickly as the minister begins speaking, it's her turn. She feels unprepared. She doesn't know what to say, but when she looks up, she's standing in front of the room, a single piece of paper clutched between her thumbs and her fingers. She opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out. She glances at the sheet in her hands but it's blank. Expectant faces stare back at her but the silence extends itself further and further into the room until its fragility is shattered by a single word.

"Kara?"

Alex stands next to her, takes the blank page from her grasp but begins to speak freely, though the words sound muffled and impossible to decipher in her brain.

The service is over as quickly as it began and she watches as the coffin is lowered carefully into the ground. She throws a single plumeria over the 'L' and suddenly everyone is gone, the ground has been replaced and she stares at the headstone. As she frowns despondently at the words, it feels like they carve deeper and deeper into her heart, cementing the reality of their meaning.

**Here Lies Lionel Luthor**

**1963- 1998**

**And His Beloved Daughter Lena**

**1993-2018**

**Another Star Taken To Brighten The Sky**

The heavens finally open and rain pours freely from the sky. It runs in streaks down the headstone and drenches the fresh soil by her feet, giving off an earthy smell. She doesn't care, doesn't feel it as it thrashes against her skin.

"Kara?" She feels a hand on her shoulder but she doesn't look around. "Kara?"

She stays in a daze for just a moment longer until she lets Alex's kind voice slowly but surely guide her away to her new reality.

/

"Kara?" Alex shakes her sister's shoulder lightly. She knows from experience that sleeping like that can't be comfortable, even if she had all her powers and was pretty much immune to physical pain and discomfort. She was reluctant to wake her, especially with her severe lack of sleep over the last couple of days, but she has no choice.

Kara rouses with a quiet grumble. She pulls her hair out of her face and Alex can see her crinkle already formed deep into her forehead; it hasn't left her face for days. She also knows that it's a sign of a bad dream; she saw that look so many times when they were younger and it still crushes Alex every time. Her heart sinks further when she sees that Kara is clutching Lena's hand and the look of realisation that falls harshly over her features as everything comes flooding back to her; in that moment it's like she's lost Lena all over again and she barely even had that moment of blissful ignorance.

"I'm sorry to wake you," Alex says, sitting next to her sister, who never takes her eyes off Lena. "But J'onn detained Lillian. He's bringing her in as we speak."

Kara doesn't say anything. Under the biting air con that she can still feel, she swallows hard and looks down at her feet, slipping her hair behind her right ear. She nods her acknowledgement.

"Do you want to talk to her?" Alex asks carefully, putting a steadying hand on Kara's shoulder.

Kara shakes her head. "Not yet. Will you… Please?"

"Of course, if that's what you want," Alex replies, although her mind screams "With pleasure." She's been desperate to get her hands on Lillian for years, to be given answers about her father and where she can find him. This is one of the best opportunities she's ever had; this time she can't escape. As much as she wants to grind out the answers to the myriad of questions she has about her father, though, he can wait. She's waited over ten years, she can hold on a little longer. Right now, the only thing on her mind is getting justice for Lena and answers for Kara.

Alex's eyes flit over Kara's hand that is still entwined with Lena's and her next words are almost suppressed in her throat at the unbearable sight. She takes a deep, steadying breath before she can even think about opening her mouth to speak. "The other thing, Kara…" She begins hesitantly, knowing that the time has come and that she's done everything she can to make it last this long. "They need to move Lena."

Kara's body visibly tenses. "N-now?"

"Uh, yeah… Now."

Out of respect and professionalism, most agents have given the med bay a wide berth – or avoided it like the plague. No one wanted to tell Kara that Lena had to be moved, but when Maggie and then J'onn said that they would do it, Alex cut straight in, arguing that she should be the one to do it, as much as she knew it would pain her and crucify Kara.

Kara sits motionless for another few seconds. She rubs her thumb across Lena's knuckles one last time before leaning over the side of the med bed and planting a long, lingering kiss on her forehead. "I love you."

Alex chokes back tears and tries to look anywhere except Kara and Lena. Out of her peripheral vision, she sees Kara step away from the bed. She gives the tiniest of nods and Alex gestures to the two agents standing outside the med bay, out of earshot. They walk silently into the room and begin to prepare to move the CEO.

Kara feels Alex's hand find hers, and much like in her dream, she finds her body being guided away, though she knows her heart will stay with Lena forever.

/

"Agent Danvers, I wondered how long it'd be before your pretty face made an appearance."

Alex's nose scrunches at Lillian's choice of words. It's not the first time someone has called her that and she knows it probably won't be the last, but something about it makes her skin crawl every time. It's demeaning and insulting but she instantly brushes it off and forces herself to focus. There are more important things at stake here than her distaste for a criminal's choice of poorly-disguised insults. "Why'd you do it, Luthor?"

Lillian cackles and doesn't even flinch at the venom poured into that last word. "Straight to the point, as ever, I see. You don't change, do you, Agent? Tell me, where's your sister and her silly little cape, hm?"

Alex just manages to stop herself from reacting the way she really wants to; hitting the glass case Lillian is being held in and trading insults won't do anything other than amuse the Cadmus leader and give her more fuel to use against her. She unfurls her clenched fist from behind her back as she speaks. "There is a queue of people who would love nothing more than to interrogate you until you are tired of playing your stupid mind games. You should count yourself lucky you got me."

Lillian's mouth flickers at the corners. She admires Alex's spirit and guts, though she's wrong about one thing; she'll never get tired of talking in riddles or being as unhelpful as she can, especially towards the DEO or anyone associated with the House of El.

Alex doesn't blink. She studies Lillian with a ferocious intensity that is only given away by the glimmer of anger and sadness that her soul-bearing eyes can't hide. Her set jaw and stern look would be enough to reduce most people to a mumbling mess but they both know that Lillian will be able to hold out longer than most.

"I thought you'd be too busy trying to cure my daughter," Lillian says nonchalantly, looking down at her nails like she's bored. "You are more brilliant than your sister, after all. For all her special abilities, you're the only one capable of saving Lena."

Alex bites her lip and shakes her head in disbelief. Lillian doesn't know that Lena is dead and right now, Alex doesn't think she deserves to. "What did you expect to achieve?" She asks, ignoring another back-handed compliment and making the firm decision to keep Lena's death to herself, at least for now. Where Lillian's going, there'll be no one to hear her cry, if she's even capable or in the least bit bothered about the latest life she's claimed. "What you did to Lena, it was sick and twisted and how you can even pretend that you're her mother is beyond me."

"Lena lost sight of what it means to be a Luthor. She needed a… push, shall we say, in the right direction. Now she can be exactly who she was supposed to be before the Kryptonian wormed her way into her naïve little heart. I've done her a favour."

"What you've done, is poison the only family you have left. Did you know what Kara's DNA and the Red Kryptonite would do to her body?"

Lillian lets out a long, unnecessarily dramatic sigh, the seconds between her answer dragging out. "I had my suspicions that it might not be flawless, but I didn't have time to waste on trying to achieve perfection. And it very nearly worked too. It still might."

"Where did you get the Red K?" Alex manages to keep her face from conveying her emotions as she fires off her questions, although her arms are folded tightly across her chest as she stares at Lillian through the glass case.

"I thought that was quite genius, if I may say so myself," Lillian says, a hint of boasting creeping into her smarmy voice. Alex doesn't know what there is to boast about. "The look on Supergirl's face when she realised what was happening… It was priceless, really."

"I won't ask you again." Alex's voice is stony and cold.

Lillian lets out an exasperated sigh. "Lex kept a formula in the vault in his mansion. It was all too easy to make. And those wings your agents took from me, they were Lex's too. He's such a clever boy. With my help, Lena could be as great as him."

"Lena is far greater than you or Lex will ever be. She's kind and compassionate and caring and the city was starting to see that before you corrupted her." Alex's voice begins to rise in volume and drips with anger until something flips. "That's why the Red K didn't work the way you wanted it to; Lena is good. You risked the life of someone you're supposed to care about," Alex shouts, her fiery eyes brimming with fury, unable to hide her emotions anymore. "Someone you're supposed to love-"

"Alex."

The eldest Danvers spins on her heels to see Maggie leaning against the door. Her clam but firm tone tells her she needs to take a step outside and cool it. She knows Maggie is right, even without saying anything. She won't get the answers she wants or Kara needs or Lena deserves if she erupts like Lillian wants her to.

"Don't think this is over, Luthor," Alex snarls, unfolding her arms but leaving her fists closed tightly by her side to try to channel some of her anger. She stomps her way towards the door her wife holds open for her, jaw clenched.

Maggie can see Alex seething even with when she has her back to her as she closes the door. She watches Alex's shoulders rise and fall as she sucks in a long, deep breath, her exhale audible but steady, if frustrated.

Maggie stands to Alex's right, a little behind her. She takes one of her hands in her own and begins to rub her thumbs over her knuckles soothingly in an attempt to calm her down. After a moment, Alex looks over her shoulder at her wife, her chin resting on her shoulder and her big brown eyes now filled with grief more than anger. Maggie slips her hand into Alex's, never breaking eye contact, and Maggie's touch alone is all Alex needs to cool down.

"Why don't you let me talk to her, huh?" Maggie suggests, rubbing her hand up and down Alex's right arm. "You should take a break, get something to eat or go find Kara."

Alex shakes her head as she turns to face Maggie. "I can't, Mags. She has to know what she's done."

"I know, sweetie," Maggie says gently. She knows that Alex will fight her on this every step of the way. "And believe me, I want her to answer for what she's done as much as you and Kara, but you have to promise me you'll try to get some sleep tonight, even if it's only a few hours. You can't help anyone if you're not helping yourself and Kara's gonna need her big sister now more than ever."

Alex puffs out her cheeks and gives a small nod of agreement. Maggie's right about everything, especially Kara needing her. Her little sister's world has just splintered and fractured uncontrollably for the second time in her short life and Alex knows she's going to need someone there to hold her together, no matter how long it takes her to rebuild, if she ever does. "Okay. You talk to her, but I'm coming with you."

At that, Maggie searches Alex's eyes and sees only a steely resolve; she's always been good at channelling her emotions, even at times like these. Maggie thinks that she's never seen Alex come so close to losing control in front of a suspect – and who can blame her with Lillian Luthor on the other side of the glass – but she can tell by the determination set in her jaw that she won't let it happen again.

Maggie reaches for the handle, and after glancing at Alex one last time to check that she's ready, she's greeted by the sight of Lillian sitting unnervingly in the same position as when they left.

"Agent Danvers, back so soon?" Lillian looks past Maggie, her taunts immediately targeted at Alex, who doesn't react. "And you've brought the little detective with you. How sweet."

This time, Maggie sees Alex tense out of the corner of her eye. Alex can take any mocking or goading or threats thrown her way, but when it comes to Maggie or anyone she loves, she loves them fiercely and will protect them with every fibre of her being, even if it means putting herself on the line. It's one of the things she loves about Alex, but Maggie also worries that one day it'll get her killed.

Alex knows that this is all part of Maggie's job; she faces criminals who hurl insults and taunts and worse every day, but that one little comment is enough to make her blood boil. Maggie speaks before Alex has the chance.

"Y'know, what I wanna know," Maggie begins, her arms pushing back her leather jacket as her hands come to rest on her hips. "Is, of all the people in this world, why Lena? Why not get one of your mercenaries to do the dirty work?"

Lillian makes herself comfortable, taking off her jacket and placing it delicately beside her, deliberately dragging out the seconds before she gives her answer. "Superman never answered for what he did to Lex. He was hailed as a hero, a god among men. I wanted to break Supergirl in every way, to make the House of El pay for the stain it left on the Luthor name, to show the world that Supergirl isn't as perfect as she would have them believe. Of course you, Agent Danvers, would have been an obvious choice; Supergirl would be nothing without you and you're already the perfect weapon. But Lena… Weaponising Lena meant that she would finally see what it means to be a Luthor. And yes, I had to utilise her before the Red Kryptonite and your sister's DNA had time to _really_ work their magic, but if the looks on your faces are anything to go by, I'd say I've been successful."

Alex can't stifle the incredulous laugh that bubbles up in her throat. She can't help the words that come tumbling out of her mouth, especially knowing that they're all true. "You'll never break Kara." Certainty – arrogance, even – stings the air as she fires back at Lillian. "She has been beaten and bruised and dealt so much crap in her life, things no one should ever have to go through, but each time she gets back up and fights to make the world a better place, to make sure no one has to suffer the way she has. And she has something you don't; people who love her, who'll help to stitch up the wounds monsters like you inflict. The way I see it, you underestimated my sister, and Lena. You did your worst and failed."

Lillian sighs, feigning boredom as she examines the cuticles on her right hand, arm outstretched. They all know she's far from bored; she's enjoying her petty game too much. "Well, wasn't that a rousing speech. Did you practice that in your bathroom mirror this morning?"

Alex bites down hard on the inside of her cheek to stop herself from retaliating. Her response was measured and true, not fiery and rash, but she doesn't know what her next one will be. A metallic taste spreads across her tongue as she feels the blood drawn by her teeth seeping into her mouth.

"But if you wanted to hurt Kara that much, why wait until now? Why not find some easier, less painful way – for Lena, at least – to get whatever it is that you want?" Sensing the waves of fury radiating off Alex, Maggie, ever the professional, switches the conversation back to Lillian, knowing that the eldest Luthor was classically trying to deflect the attention from her. She shifts her weight onto her right foot, arms folding and head tilting a little to one side, ready for Lillian's next practiced bullshit response.

"It was far easier to exact my plan if Lena was alone, and like I told Supergirl on the rooftop, I knew you'd leave her there. I love my children far too much to see my only daughter ruined by the poisonous family that destroyed my son."

Alex bites her lip, though not as hard as she did her cheek, and shakes her head. She unfolds her arms and begins to gesture as she speaks. "I'm not buying that, not by a long shot," she declares, taking a step closer to the case, a step closer to Lillian. "See, I don't believe you, and I'm sure Detective Sawyer doesn't either, when you say that you love Lena."

"Any why is that?"

"Because not once have you asked about her or her condition since either of us came in here."

Lillian's brow furrows so slightly that Alex isn't sure that it actually happened; the Cadmus leader regains her composure almost immediately, rarely one to let her façade fall. She stands up and turns to face her jacket where it still lies on the small bench.

"Lena's right, she's not your daughter," Alex seethes. She sees Lillian still, jacket in hand. "But she's like a little sister to me and you, you-"

"You killed her."

Alex and Maggie are taken aback by the voice that comes from behind them. They didn't hear anyone come into the room and they certainly didn't expect to hear that particular voice just yet.

This time Lillian does frown, although she doesn't move, instead keeping her back to the women on the other side of the glass.

"She's dead," Kara continues, clearly pained by the rightful accusation she's pinning on Lillian and the truth she's telling herself. "And you killed her."

"Kara-" Alex tries to step in front of Kara as she advances into the room, wanting to shield her from the sick truths that Lillian has been proudly declaring, to get her as far away from her girlfriend's killer as possible. Alex figures that Kara's heard every word, though. The lack of portable sun lamps means that either Kara's powers have come back in their entirety or she's just being stubborn, the latter equally as possible as the former. "You should-"

"Lena is lying seven floors above you in the morgue because your idea of revenge was to use me and the woman I love – loved – against me."

Kara wants to see Lillian's reaction, to see whether she feels any pain or even an ounce of remorse, but the Cadmus leader doesn't turn around, doesn't flinch, doesn't do anything to suggest that she even heard what Kara said. There's no way she could have missed it; the words sliced through the air like a knife and still hang heavily on either side of the glass case.

"I don't believe you," Lillian says eventually, but her voice betrays her as it waivers. She still doesn't turn, doesn't let anyone else see the flash of uncertainty in her eyes.

"It doesn't matter what you believe, Lillian. It's the truth."

Lillian listens to the undertone in Kara's voice. She doesn't sound angry or upset; her usual cocky, confident Kryptonian attitude has been replaced by an emptiness, a resignation that Lillian has always wanted to hear.

But not like this.

If Kara is telling her the truth – and if the pain etched across her face as she turns around is anything to go by, she is, or she's an excellent actress – she never meant for her to die.

But maybe, in the end, this is better.

Lillian knows that this will hurt Supergirl more than anything. It pains her that her adoptive daughter is dead, but the victory she gains from it means so much more because it's for her family.

"Every fight has some collateral damage. It's just unfortunate that this time it was Lena."

"Okay, we're done here," Maggie declares, marching both Alex and Kara towards the door. It surprises Maggie when neither woman puts up a fight and as she alone throws one last glance at Lillian, seeing the slight upturn of her lips, she notes the way that it doesn't meet her eyes.

/

"I just don't get how she can be so blasé about all this."

Alex paces back and forth behind Winn's desk, hands set on her hips. She studies the ground as she walks, trying to get into Lillian's headspace, though fortunately, Alex thinks, it's proving to be incredibly difficult. "How can you risk someone's life like that and not care?" Alex comes to a stop next to Maggie who leans against the central table and has watched Alex's agitated mental inquisition go on unrelentingly for the last five minutes.

Kara, meanwhile, sits silently in the chair beside Winn, eyes fixed on a spot on the floor, her mind a universe away.

"Well, she is a Luthor," Winn says like it's the obvious answer. He quickly twists back to his desk when he feels two of the three sets of eyes staring at him. A warning flashes across his monitor. "Uh, guys, there's an armed robbery downtown-"

"I'm on it." Kara suddenly snaps back to reality and is gone before anyone can try to stop her.

Alex lets out a long sigh as she looks at the balcony leading out to the city. She feels an arm wrap around her waist, allows herself to relax slightly into Maggie's warm embrace, drawing comfort from the woman beside her.

"She'll be okay, Alex," Maggie says quietly, her cheek pressed to Alex's head as it comes to rest on her shoulder.

Alex doesn't say anything, only holds Maggie closer. She can't stifle the huge audible yawn she didn't even know she needed to let out and suddenly she feels more tired than she ever thought possible.

"I think it's time for that nap you promised me," Maggie says, rubbing Alex's back, but before either of them can do anything, a hurried cry rings around the room.

"Agent Danvers!"

Everyone in the central room looks first towards Alex, and then the corridor where the elevators are, from where the shouts echo. Alex lifts her head from Maggie's shoulder, not unused to having her name called when emergencies were unfolding.

"Agent Danvers," Payton pants breathlessly, the collar of her lab coat sticking up in different places. "We need you in the morgue. It's urgent."

Alex glances at Maggie apologetically, knowing that she's breaking her promise.

"Go get 'em, babe," Maggie says encouragingly, understanding that it's all part of Alex's job.

Alex places a kiss on Maggie's lips before following Doctor Peyton hurriedly in the direction of the elevators.

/

Kara lands on the DEO balcony. As she heads inside, she thinks that it seems a little quieter than when she left half an hour ago, especially because she can't see Alex or Maggie.

Winn still sits at his desk, J'onn standing over his shoulder, arms folded, face probably creased into a frown.

Kara ignores the whispers and all-to-obvious glances of the few agents who remain in the hub. They're worse now than the first few times she flew into the DEO wearing her suit, but she doesn't notice that they're not whispers of pity anymore.

As if sensing her presence, or maybe just hearing her distinct footfalls, J'onn turns around. "Supergirl," he begins, and Kara doesn't know what to make of the way he says her name or the look he's giving her. "Alex needs you in the med bay."

Kara's heart sinks. "What? Is she okay?" She can't help the fear and worry that threatens to overcome her. She can't lose Alex, and she can't lose her within a day of losing Lena. And it would crush Maggie too. She has to be okay. She needs Alex to be okay.

"Alex is fine," J'onn says, putting a reassuring hand on Kara's shoulder, realising how she'd interpreted his statement. "But trust me, you need to get down there."

With one last confused look, Kara nods lightly before making her way towards the medical wing.

She sees Maggie outside leaning against the wall, her eyes fixed on the ground like she's deep in thought until she sees a glimpse of blue and red out of the corner of her eye. "Kara!" She says loudly, pushing herself off the wall with the foot that was resting against it.

The Kryptonian stops in front of the detective who deliberately places herself between Kara and the entryway to the med bay.

"What's going on, Maggie? Where's Alex?"

"I need you to listen to me, Kara, okay?" Maggie says seriously, looking at the pools of blue that stare back at her. "Alex got called downstairs just after you left but she didn't want to give you any false hope, she wanted to make sure what she was being told was true before she called you. This is gonna be a shock and you're probably not going to believe it at first, but it's all real, okay?"

"What are you talking about?" Kara's crinkle sets itself across her forehead. "Maggie, you're not making any sense."

She wonders why everyone is being so cryptic, why she can't just be given a simple answer.

"Kara?" Alex's voice drifts out into the corridor and Maggie takes it as her cue to step aside.

Apprehensive, Kara throws Maggie another quizzical look before rounding the corner into the med bay, the smaller woman close behind her.

"Alex, what is going on-"

Kara falters. She doesn't blink, doesn't move, doesn't breathe. Maggie was right, it's like her eyes and her brain aren't working together, aren't functioning properly because as Alex finishes fixing a bed sheet around someone, looks over her shoulder, straightens and moves a little to the side, Kara can finally see who's lying in the med bed and she's sure she must be hallucinating.

A single word uttered in hope as much as disbelief escapes her lips.

"Lena?"

 


End file.
